Much Happier Holidays

 

Well, after two months of living "in sin" as my Mother put it things were going pretty well.  I somehow managed to be a nice polite daughter as Mother raged on how awful I was.  It really did not bother me that she said she would not come to visit if I was living with "him".  Naturally she would not call him by name as it might sound like there was some possibility that one day she would change her mind and like him.  I would miss the shopping trips tp New York and lunch at the Plaza Hotel with her, but I would not miss having to act like I was the perfect twelve-year old daughter she expected me to be.

I always hated holidays when I was growing up and all the years I was married to Dennis.  My parents were not good with the extra time off work that meant they had to spend more time together.  Holidays gave them too much time together in the house. Usually they were not speaking to each other after the first day.  Thanksgiving was always quiet as we had no big family get togethers.  A few times Uncle Tom was invited to come over for dinner which made for the only pleasant Thanksgivings we ever had.

Dennis had grown up with tons of family around for every holiday.  There were years when we went to Warner and joined in the melee but most of the time his parents came to our house.  Seems like I spent the day cooking, then cleaning up while everyone else watched television or took naps.  I was never a big fan of turkey but only liked the dressing.  That was a good thing since there is that chemical in the turkey that causes drowsiness and I certainly could not have gotten things cleaned up if I had eaten any.

Thanksgiving with Charles was a big deal.  Since Christmas was not his thing Thanksgiving had to be special.  The first year we were going together I had his daughter, Jamie and his ex-wife for dinner.  His ex=-wife, Claire, liked to point out that I could be quite attractive if I wore more make-up and nicer clothes.  It was quite humorous as she said all this while standing in front of me with more make-up than the cosmetics counter at Saks carried and so much bling on her clothes you were temporarily blinded by the sight.

But this year Wally went to his Dad's for the eekend while Charles, Jamie and I flew to New York.  Charles's oldest daughter, Brianna, lived in White Plains with her significant other, Rob, so the family was gathering at their home.  It was really a fun weekend with the announcement that Brianne and Rob who had lived together for seven years decided it was time to get married.  The wedding was to be in the spring so there was lots of talk about the wedding plans.  Charles and I managed a trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  They were having a special showing of the work of Diego Rivera, the artist who painted the twenty-seven murals depicting the history of Ford Motor Company and the Industrial Revolution at the Detroit Institute of Arts.  It was outstanding but my favorite section of the Museum was the Egyptian section with all the artifacts from the Pyramids.  Every time we went to New York Charles had to go visit the Museum which made every trip fun.... even with Claire tagging along.

When it came to Christmas Charles wondered if we were going to have a Christmas tree.  Guess he did not realize that in the Christian world the Christmas tree is one of the best parts of the holiday.  So, we went and got a tree.  He got to learn the art of putting it into a stand that was made for a much smaller tree an how much work it was to make it the most beautiful tree in the world.  Some how he did not realize the tree did not need to have a bare two-foot trunk or that he should have gotten the salesman to cut it off.  A Skill saw is difficult to use on a tree that was too big to hold still.  When Wally carried seven moving boxes in from the garage Charles did not know they were lights and decorations that would take two days to get on the tree.  Wally and I had lots of secret smiles over his learning process.

The best part of the entire holiday was Charles asking me if he should take Wally shopping for gifts for me.  I thought it was incredibly sweet as Wally never had money to go shopping unless I gave it to him.  They went one evening and both came back all smiles.  Wes arrived on Christmas Eve, so it was a fun day.

After Christmas Wally, Charles and I went skiing at Cadillac, Michigan.  They had night skiing which Wally and I tried once.  Once was enough as you could not see the moguls in the dark.  We both went flying a couple of times but did not get hurt.  This was the beginning of snowboards being used.  I was happily skiing along when suddenly, I had something hit me in the back and I went flying.  Some jerk on a snowboard hit me and then just kept going.  No more night skiing for me.

Wes stayed at Charles's house while we were gone and worked at the skating rink in Troy.  Somehow Bowser got the remains of the Pumpkin Pie and chowed down on it.  Pumpkin Pie does not seem to set well with dogs and Wes needed a lesson in how to clean dog poop from carpet.  It was a good thing Charles loved Bowser more than any of us and just felt sorry for the poor Bowser.

All in all, Christmas was the best especially since my friend Claire had a Black-Tie Christmas Party.  Charles rented a Tux and I got all dressed up and we both had a wonderful time.

Ron had cast Wally in the ice show so in January we started going to the ice rink in Birmingham to get Wally's skating up to par.  Most of the guys in the show were past the age of thirty and had been skating since they could walk.  The younger guys were all junior champions of one sort or another.  This plus all the costumes I oversaw and the ones I had to make for Wally and I were going to keep me terribly busy for the next few months.  This was going to be an interesting year with the ice show.

What About Charles?

 

Wes went back to Cleveland; Labor Day came and went, and Wally started the eighth grade.  I was usually a little sad when summer was over and Wally was back in school.  This year especially because the summer had been a lot of fun with both boys there.

Quite to my surprise that summer Charles bought a house almost directly behind mine.  He had lived in an apartment somewhere in Southfield for more that ten years and never said anything about moving or buying a house. The house was a typical 1950's ranch and the previous owners had done an extensive remodel.  They had done away with two bedrooms, created a larger bathroom and added a family room on the back of the house with a fireplace.  It had been for sale for a long time as it is difficult to sell a one-bedroom home.

Naturally the house needed some fresh paint, new carpet and window coverings.  Charles was in luck as he happened to know someone who did all that stuff.  By the end of September the house was ready for him to move in.  That was when he asked Wally and I if we wanted to move in with him.  That should not have been a surprise, but it was.

This was 1988 and not the 1960's.  I grew up with a set of morality rules that were outdated now but extremely hard to change.  Did not Barney and I break up back in our college days because he wanted me to move to Chicago with him without a ring on my finger?  It was a huge concern of mine to worry about what other people would think of me if I moved in with Charles.  There was also the fact that I could not honestly say I was madly in love with him.  In the three years we had been dating we had lots of fun and the relationship was just comfortable.  He never once gave me advice on what I should or should not do, was always super nice to both Wes and Wally, we never even had `a small argument and he did love Bowser and the cats.

There were positive aspects to moving in with Charles.  One was the fact that I would lose Dennis's monthly alimony payment.  I never wanted the alimony in the first place and it was the main reason Dennis and I could not have a civil conversation about anything.  Wally and I loved our little house but it really did not have anyplace for me to work except one small bedroom.  Plus, there were times when it was difficult for me to pay the bills. Charles was willing to finish the basement in his house adding a bedroom for Wally and a sewing space for me.  For better or for worse I made the decision to move in with him adding that I would pay half of the house payment each month.  Somehow that made it seem like I was not just being a "kept woman".

We moved in the end of September.  Perhaps he wanted us to move in as the furniture he had in his apartment only filled the living room and bedroom.  With the addition of mine it became a fully furnished home.  There was an exceedingly small room off of the kitchen that we made into a bedroom for Wally until we could get the basement done. The surprising thing about moving in with Charles was that nothing about our relationship changed. Charles had become such a fixture in our lives that we just saw a little more of him everyday than we had when we were living in two separate places.  There were a lot of particularly good times before problems started popping up.

Halloween rolled around and of course Wally  could not decide what he wanted to dress as until shortly before the big day.  The band was going to be in a parade downtown and they all had to be in costume. Wally decided he wanted a Sgt. Pepper uniform which was fun to make.  The day before Halloween he came home from school and said his friend Jeremy did not have a costume.  Jeremy told him he wanted to be a cat so off we went to the fabric store to purchase a pattern and several yards of fake fur.  If I was proud of Wally for getting me to make the Sgt. Pepper jacket early, I ended up staying up all night making a cat costume for Jeremy.  I guess it would not have been Halloween if I had not had to stay up all night making a costume.

Oh, and by the way, it also is not Halloween if you do not have second degree burns on your hands from making hundreds of popcorn balls!

It was about this same time when I got very tired of my two tenants in the Dearborn house.  In the six months with the two of them living there they still had not worked out whose turn it was to mow the lawn, use the washer/dryer and were still calling me at 2:00 in the morning complaining about the other one. One of them had not even paid rent since the first month she lived there. Perhaps I was not cut out to be a landlord, so I did an easy fix for the problem.  I put the house up for sale, took the dining room table, china cabinet and buffet plus the antique Detroit Jewel Stove home and sold the house in one day for a few thousand dollars more than I paid for it. That problem solved!

Naturally it was time to gear up for the ice show.  Ron had given me two costumes to be the chairman of and both were a little complicated.  The auditions for the show were the week of Thanksgiving and Wally had turned fourteen so he was old enough for the adult cast.  He wanted to try out even though he was not a very strong skater and would need to replace his hockey skates with figure skates.  This was going to be interesting.

Wesley

They grow up so fast.  I imagine that I am not the only mother who could not wait until they could tie their own shoes, be glad when they are old enough to go to school,  wondered who the brilliant person was that invented little league sports or could never understand how such a skinny little body could have so much energy or talk so much.  Then suddenly, they are graduating from high school.

Wesley, my first born and known as Wes, was somewhat like living in the middle of a whirlwind.  When he learned to walk, he could only run.  When he learned to talk, he was never quiet. As he went through twelve years of school I watched him turn into a pretty amazing kid.  He became a fantastic artist even though he would only draw race cars or drag strip layouts.  He was highly intelligent but did not have time for homework.  He was involved in soccer, baseball, speed skating and bicycle motor cross.  He made friends easily and seemed to survive four moves across the country and four different school systems.

There were lots of girl friends but a few months before the Senior Prom he had been dating a girl named Michelle that I have to admit Wally and I really liked.  When he brought her home for dinner she actually ate and talked and laughed.  That was a pleasant surprise over some of the other ones that came to dinner.  We really fell in love with her when I cooked Passover dinner for Charles, and she loved all the food even though she was not Jewish.

The Prom was at a huge hotel in Detroit and my favorite picture I have of Wes is the one where he is giving Michelle her flowers.  How did this boy I had chased around the front yard with a broom, made numerous trips to schools to talk to teachers and principals, took to the emergency room more times than I can remember or would force himself to throw up after breakfast so he did not have to go to school (it never worked) turn into this dashing young man?

I had no idea what time Wes got home from the Prom, but his car was in the driveway when I got up.  I tiptoed upstairs to check on Wes and Wally and much to my surprise there was Michelle asleep in Wes's bed in one of his t-shirts.  Wally was in his bed but no Wes.  I breathed a big sigh of relief when I found Wes asleep in the basement.  Wally and I heard how much fun they had at the Prom during breakfast then Wes took Michelle home in some of my clothes. Guess times had changed since I went to a Prom as I would have been dead showing up the next morning in someone else's clothes.

After school was out and graduation was over Wes settled into working at the skating rink close to our house. He and Wally made a few trips to see their Dad in Cleveland, then Wally went off to summer camp.  The big surprise of the summer was the day my college roommate, Cathie rolled up in our driveway unannounced.  Having her around was always a happy time for us all.  Wes had been in love with Cathie since he was five years old.  When he was about twelve and she came to visit us in New Jersey she would pick him up after school and whisk him off to a drugstore where they would eat M & M's and drink cherry cokes.  His friends lined the sidewalk at school to see the beautiful blonde that took Wes out every afternoon.

One evening Charles wanted to take us all out to dinner and since Cathie was a vegetarian we went to a vegetarian restaurant.  Wes was not happy with the choice of places to eat but he was always at his best when Cathie was around.  He ordered something that required mustard which arrived in a small bowl but was not quite the color of mustard he was used to.  He rather loudly inquired if they had any American mustard.  He did not have the chance to get an answer as Cathie told him in a very sweet voice to put some on his beautiful lips and try it.  He ate all the mustard without a complaint.  I think Charles became quite smitten with Cathie that same evening, but I had learned many years before that she had that effect on everyone.

One weekend late that summer Wally, Charles and I went camping with a warning to Wes that there was to be no party while we were gone.  That fell on deaf ears.  When we arrived home the house looked too clean.  A trip to the basement revealed two huge garbage sacks full of beer cans and liquor bottles.  Too bad they cleaned but forget to take the trash out. Upon quizzing the next door neighbor I found out it had been a weekend of young people coming and going.  I asked why he did not call the police and he said that with Michigan law about teenagers and parties I could have been arrested.

I guess I lost it and called his Dad to come and pick Wes up.  He was scheduled to start college at Kent State in a few weeks, so it was not that big of a deal.  When Wes got home that evening I told him I knew about the party and that his Dad was coming to get him the following weekend.  I guess he was grown up enough to realize he was not supposed to have a party and now he had to face the consequences.  He left on good terms with me which made the whole thing a lot easier.

I learned several things having Wes around that year.  First, as a parent you will worry about them their entire life.  Graduating from high school or college or going out on their own or getting married does not change that.It is a parent thing. Second, I learned what a good kid Wes really was.  For all the silly slip ups he had made that year and how upset he was when I divorced his Dad he realized that I was still Mom.  I realized how really lucky I was.