To all of my faithful followers that have noticed a lack of my stories for the last month I want to take the time to let you know they will return. The interesting thing about writing for me is that you need to be in a special place to get the words to flow out. This year more than others it has been hard at times.
Perhaps if I wrote fiction it would be easier as I could just make stuff up. Trying to tell a true story is more difficult. Throwing myself back in time and realizing some of my big mistakes, wondering why I made some of the dumb decisions I made and realizing that perhaps I left a trail of hurt or disappointment in people I cared about is hard. Digging up old wounds is hard and those stories do not come easy.
When I discovered what a blog was when Marshell and I took a trip across the country made me realize how much fun it was to write. I had so much fun although I cringe now when I go back and read some of them. I have learned a lot in the process of writing over two hundred stories. The worse speller in the world had gotten much better, I found I have a love for new words and my high school English teacher would be proud at times that my grammar has improved somewhat. It has also been fun to leave everyone in suspense at the end of each story.
This year it has been more difficult to get into that special place where current events make it hard to concentrate on past ones. Everyone has seen a great change in life in general. Change is difficult to accept. The COVID has made us make or in a lot of cases resist the fact that things are not and maybe will never be the same as before. What we heed to stop and realize is that we have spent a good part of our lives making changes we never thought we would. Are you doing what you always dreamed you wanted to do? Did a marriage or a love affair pan out to be what you imagined? Life changes happen everyday, some for the better and some for the worse. Change can be for the better or for the worse whatever you want to make of them.
Back in February before there was any information about COVID I was in the middle of a run of a play when I realized I was really having trouble breathing. Since I did not have a doctor I went to a small rural hospital that had no clue. I tested negative for pneumonia and strip throat but my oxygen level was low so they would not let me go home. I had lost all sense of taste and smell, had a dry cough and trouble breathing. They could not figure out what was going on and after two days of actually no treatment I pulled out the IV and went home. It was a few weeks later that all the information came out about the COVID and I knew that was what I had. I tried several times to get tested but was refused a test as I was not running a temperature. So Marshell and I began our quarantine which we pretty much are still doing.
Slowly all the things I was involved in disappeared. No more Garden Club, Friends of the Library or Bunko. Little Theater lasted awhile until having all those people in the cast together became not a good idea. No visits to see my children or my grandchildren for months. I had one friend who had been with me everyday during the time I was really sick was my only social interaction except for phone calls to other friends.
It should have been a great time to dash out a lot of stories as I rather enjoyed the time at home and not dashing out the door several times a day to go do something. Somewhere along the line the long term effects of having COVID popped up. When you hear the word "Recovered" that is a laugh. In July I retained nineteen pounds of water in a couple of days. I broke down and went to the doctor which showed really bizarre things in a blood test. I went through tests for congestive heart failure which was pretty stupid when my cholesterol was 120 and my blood pressure runs 120/70. It also showed I was positive for rheumatoid arthritis, not hardly. There are other things that pop up which I sort of ignore as I know it is the after affects of having COVID. But I have to look on the bright side and consider myself very lucky that I am still alive when thousands are not.
This Christmas was very hard to get into the decorating mode. Being in rehearsal for a play that was to take place the first of December caused me to not have time to create my yearly Christmas cards. I missed wandering through the stores for the perfect gifts. I am not an online shopper but did manage to find some things from small retailers to order. We saw the children as they are stricter about wearing masks and social distancing than I am. But for other holiday activities I was happily at home but still found it difficult to put words on a page. There will be other years for all the usual holiday activities. Staying well means there will be other years to go to Muskogee and see friends and celebrate our wedding anniversary. There may also be a good chance to write the next story as it is a really good one.
Last year was a tough one for everyone. We all had to make changes in our lives that have been difficult to accept, some much more dramatic than others. With the dawn of the New year here I am sure everyone is hoping things will go back to the normal we were all used to. That may not happen and perhaps the best new years resolutions will be to accept the change and to be more kind, compassionate and forgiving. There is a good chance that the "new normal" the pandemic forces us into will be much better then the old.
I usually do not make New Years resolutions but this year I am going to accept the changes I can not do anything about and try to make the changes that will make the world a better place.
Happy New Year everyone!
