A Few Good Times

It took me awhile to recover from Cathie's visit.  Not just from the over indulgence in the Amaretto but from Cathie herself.  It was like she sprinkled fairly dust all around that made me believe that I could do anything I wanted to do and that life was just fun.  

My little decorating business became a sponsor for the New Neighbors league.  I redid a house for a member and presented a slide show at one of the meetings.  Also put our home on a spring house tour and had about a hundred people come to see it.  For some unknown reason I started writing a column for the local newspaper on the happenings in the neighborhood and had to keep up with the residents of over a hundred homes in the subdivision. The biggest event was that I got  letter from the osteopathic medical school in Kansas City that I was on a waiting list for acceptance.  This meant that if some of the applicants turned down their chance to go I may be accepted. It seemed that overnight I became busier and happier than I ever thought I would have.

The down side to the story was that the happier I became the more unhappy Dennis was.  There were a lot of aspects to working for Ford Motor Company that he knew going into the job that suddenly became points of contention.  He had begun travelling around the state of Kansas a few nights a week which he hated.  Although I loved the neighborhood buying a house forty miles from his office was not the smartest move because of the commute time.  Having a new race car chassis to work on didn't really brighten his mood as there were not the group of racers or fans that would hang out in the garage with him on weekends. All he wanted to do was to move back to Dallas as if that was Mecca and all would be well.

It had not taken me very long after we were married to realize that there was no arguing with him.  I was always wrong, dumb or stupid.
My coping skills had always been that I tried to be the perfect wife so nothing upset him. Maybe if the house was immaculate, lawn mowed, food in the cupboards and dinner on the table everything would be alright.  Can't say that worked out so well for me but it was all I knew how to do.

My dear Mother was still floating on clouds with her new boyfriend.  She came to visit that spring and it was perhaps the best we had gotten along in years.  I bought new running shoes and we did three miles every morning much to my dismay and took Wally out to very nice restaurants for lunch and shopping.  She finally got around to asking about Jim, the plastic surgeon whose house I had been working on.  Seems like she wanted a little plastic surgery done. That was pretty easy as I called him up, she went to see him the next day, two days later surgery done and a week to heal and she was off to go home looking pretty good.  Best part was that even though Dennis thought plastic surgery was stupid they got along fine during the visit. Nice to have a happy Mother.

Towards the end of the school year I tried to get most of my decorating jobs completed.  Since I had never had a real job the thought of putting Wes and Wally in daycare didn't appeal to me and certainly not to almost ten-year old Wes. He had his heart set on racing around the neighborhood on his bike, playing soccer and hanging out at the local pool all summer. Maybe I was spoiling the little guys but with my going back to college days and home based businesses that allowed me to be with them most of the time it was hard for me to suddenly start leaving them all the time. Lucky me with great neighbors and lots of kids for them to stay or play with when I needed to work.

 Jim and Lisa's was completed several times and then they would think of something else for me to do. A couple of funny stories there.  Jim had collected about a hundred large framed photographs of the old west around the turn of the century.  I had tried to ignore them but he called one day and wanted me to go to the house and hang them.  Duh?  I put him off for a day to two, took the boys to the library and studied up an all the rules for hanging pictures of which there are a lot.  That job took awhile but everyone agreed it looked fantastic in the end.  The other story was that they needed a mini blind on the back kitchen door. I went over to their house late one afternoon and was putting it up when they arrived home. The sun was sort of setting and Jim asked if I needed him to turn on the lights.  Brilliant me said "That's okay.  I screw very well in the dark."  It took me a few minutes of watching them laughing like crazy before I realized what I said. We stayed friends for years and they never forgot to tease me about that one.

Lenexa planned a big Fourth of July celebration that year.  There was a 5K run in the morning, a parade and then a neighborhood party in our back yard in the afternoon.  Gary, our builder, neighbor and friend talked Dennis into entering the parade with our 1950 Mercury.  The "Blues Brothers Express" was a pretty big hit.  The party was quite exciting.  Gary actually got Ronald McDonald to show up for the kids.  Late in the afternoon I can remember us yelling at Wes to stop throwing ice at everyone. Wes always tended to get blamed for everything.  He pleaded innocent about the time the police car came through the neighborhood telling everyone to take cover as there was a tornado coming. The ice was actually hail which was falling from a cloudless sky.  Everyone rushed into our basement as the tornado passed overhead.  Lucky for us the tornado did not dip down out of the clouds and we only had a picnic mess blown around in the yard.

 I hadn't told anyone except Barney that I received the letter from the Osteopathic School of Medicine in Kansas City in May.  His rewriting the application was probably the reason I got a spot on the waiting list  and he was pretty proud of himself but also very happy for me.  Since I had gotten his house all decorated he had a very interesting couple for me to go see about doing some things at their home.

Why is it that when things are going to so good that all of a sudden disaster strikes?  I had always been pretty good at springing back from hurt or disappointments but could not see how I would ever recover from this one.

Surprise! It's Cathie!

Coming down my street on that beautiful spring day and noticing a strange car in the driveway and two girls on my porch made me wonder who it could it be?  Those thoughts run through my head that I didn't have time for visitors, how bad did the house look and various other negative thoughts.  As I pulled into the driveway I realized that it was Cat and I couldn't get out of the car fast enough.

Cat, actually Cathie, had been my room mate at Stephens College.  Some how through the fifteen since years college Cat, Pam who lived next door to us and I had all managed to keep in touch.  I always found it interesting that the three of us did connect in the first place as we were really different personalities.  Luckily we were good at letters and long distance phone calls when the need arose so the friendships grew through the years.  Now, Cat, who I had not seen since her popping up on my porch in Carrollton, Texas five years ago was sitting was here.

Wally was a little bewildered at all the hugging and carrying on over this person he had never seen at first but became rather smitten when she scooped him up, kissed him and told him he was the cutest thing ever. Wes arrived home from school to find Cat there and instantly grew a few inches taller as Cat hugged him.  On the only visit Cat had made five years before Wes had decided, at the age of five, that he was going to grow up and marry "Aunt Cathie".  It was a good thing Dennis was out of town as he had a very dim view of my best friend.

So what had brought on this visit.  Cat and her friend Elizabeth were on their way to St. Louis to march in a Women's Lib parade in their white dresses.  The method of travel for Cat was to strike out to where ever she wanted to go and hopefully find a place to sleep at some one's house.  If none could be found on her route she simply slept on a picnic table in a park or a rest stop although she always had a tent in the funny little cars she drove for inclement weather. Perhaps that may sound like a strange way to travel but you had to know Cat to realize it was quite logical actually.

Her current home was a commune in South Texas which is where she had met Elizabeth.  In the five years since she had last visited and we took her out for a steak dinner Cat had become a vegetarian. When she asked Wes what he wanted for dinner he announced that a banana split would be good.  It was a riotous group that invaded that ice cream parlor that evening. During our two hour stay I think Cat met everyone who worked there or entered the door. With her blond hair and her huge blue eyes people just gravitated to her and she never met a stranger.  Our table for five became a table for ten or fifteen as she invited everyone to join us.  Even Wes and Wally who finished their ice cream long before we finally left never complained or got bored.

We finally headed home and I got the boys to bed although it was a fight since they wanted to stay up to be around Cat.  I don't remember where the bottle of Amaretto came from. Maybe we stopped at a liquor store and bought it on the way home but it was certainly not anything I had or had ever drank before.  I did put Amaretto on my list of things never to drink again.  The fifth of Amaretto was finally empty about 2:00 in the morning and even though there was a lot more girl-talk we could have done we called it a night.

I was up at 6:00 the next morning with a pounding headache and a slightly queasy stomach.  As I got the boys up I realized that I had a small wallpaper job to do that day. I had told Cat the night before that I needed to leave early that morning and to just make themselves at home and lock the door when they headed for St. Louis. The last thing I wanted to do was to go wallpaper and wished I had called and cancelled the appointment.  By the time I got to the house to hang the wallpaper my insides were actually shaking.  Hmmm....going to be hard to wallpaper so I left the lady who was already at work a note and told her I had an emergency and would be there the next day. Then I called home and Cat answered the phone.  She and Elizabeth were ready to go but were going to go to a Mexican restaurant for Chiles Rellenos for breakfast since they were good for hangovers.

I agreed to meet them at a Mexican restaurant at the Plaza as I needed something for my hangover.  I wondered on my way to the Plaza how they picked that restaurant as it was a long way from my house but with Cat you never questioned how she just knew things and it was one of the best in town. Walking into the restaurant I suddenly realized how they had chosen it.  Sitting at the table with them was Barney.  Leave it to Cat to pick up the phone book and call him for advice on where to eat and of course he couldn't miss the opportunity to see her either. I do have to admit that once again the number of people at the table expanded, chairs were pulled up out in the aisle not only with people who were drawn to the laughter at our table or people that Barney knew.  By the end of lunch somehow all signs of a hangover were gone.

It was sad to wave goodbye to her and Elizabeth as they went off on their adventure.  It has been said that in your lifetime you may only have a couple of real friends, ones that you can share every thought with, ones that stand by you through thick and thin and ones that are always there even if you don't see them for years.  I feel very lucky that Cathie, Pam and I have been like that since the day we met.


P.S.  One of my very early blogs was about Cathie and her unique way of dancing through life as she was one of a kind. To find it go to the list of my blogs, click on 2015, then click on August and it should pop up with her picture at the top.  It is worth reading as she was amazing.

A Learning Experience

It was difficult to come home from Dad's funeral and get back into the routine of home and work.  There had been a whirlwind of activity since I got the call that Dad had passed away, calls that had to be made to cancel appointments and plans, getting the family ready to go and making the trip to Muskogee.  As usual we stayed with Dennis's parents where streams of his relatives came by, then there was the argument with my brothers about not wanting to view Dad dead in a box and I can't forget trying to put on the happy face for Wes and Wally as they really did not understand what was going on. 

It would take me years to fully realize that the worst parts of the ordeal were my own fault.  Somehow everyone around me expected me to make decisions on what clothes they should wear, where and what we should eat, where the car keys were, why didn't I pack this or that and a million other trivia things I was made to feel I was responsible for. There was never time to just be by myself, to spend time with just my brothers or even to cry. It was my fault because I had always tried to keep everyone happy and take care of all their needs.  So I stifled the desire to scream and hid my anger.

We arrived home on a Sunday evening after being gone for a week to find a refrigerator full of food and the dining room table covered in flowers. I realized how lucky I was to have wonderful neighbors and friends.  There were nice cards in two of the flower arrangements but not one in the third.  Two dozen red roses was not hard to figure out who they were from.

Shortly after Dennis left for work and Wes was off to school the next morning the phone rang.  I answered it with my "Hey" which got a laugh as I knew it was Barney.  It seemed like a year since I had talked to him when actually I did call him before we left for Oklahoma a week before. When he asked if I was okay I surprised myself by not saying that I was fine but told him I really didn't know as it had been a really stressful week without going into a lot of detail.  There was no hesitation when he said he would buy my lunch the next day if I would meet him. Of course my answer was yes and it seemed to lighten my mood in that I was able to get through the day with friends dropping by to see how I was doing.

I got to the fountain first and Barney arrived and off we went to a new place he had found.  Well, it was a new place but also a place we both knew.  The restaurant that we originally met at that had burned a year and a half before had opened in a new location with all of the original staff.  Louie was very happy to see us, the gentlemen we had decided were the Kansas City mafia were once again in one corner and it felt like life was once again back to normal.

We had a long talk about Dad and the funeral.  Maybe it was easier to poor out my feelings to him than it was to other people, even Dennis or close friends.  Told him how bad the week was for me and that I probably would have done better with out the ordeal and all the people being around.  Maybe funerals were not really for the living as just about the time you are really ready to accept their passing you have to go through the funeral.  I felt like I had to put up some sort of front while I listened to stories from people who really didn't even know him.

To my surprise he agreed with me even though I told him he was just saying that to make me feel better.  No, he said, everyone has their own way of mourning a loss and he had been worried about me about how I handle the funeral.  He told me to let all the negative feelings of the last week go by the wayside and just remember that I loved my Dad, that he adored me and nothing else mattered.  I thanked him for what he had said as it was just what I needed  since part of why I felt bad was that I was feeling guilty. Maybe there was something wrong with me that I didn't think he was in "a better place" or that he looked peaceful or nice dead in a box or any of the other catch phrases people use when someones dies.

I don't know if in his own way Barney gave me permission to finally break down and cry over the loss of my Dad or if I could simply no longer keep up the front up of being okay.  The rest of the week I finally took the time, ignoring phone calls and friends, to finally mourn the passing of my Dad.  Then it was time to get over the sense of loss and count my many blessings.

Winter is my most favorite season since I have always believed a person cannot own enough sweaters or the snow can never be deep enough but Spring was beginning to pop out.  It was time to stop ignoring my clients, time to hang out at the soccer fields with Wes, time to try to answer all of Wally grown-up questions and time to enjoy every day.

I arrived home one afternoon after running errands with Wally.  Dennis was out of town for a few days and my thoughts were on the joyous fact that I did not have to cook dinner as hot dogs would do fine for the boys.  But what was the strange car doing in the drive way and who were the two women sitting on the front porch?

It was strange that Sunday afternoon that I should get a call from my brother, Paul.  He was not one to get on the phone and chit-chat and there were no problems between us.  We always had fun together when I was home for a visit but years of living many miles apart and busy lives do not make for a lot of family closeness. It didn't take long for me to find out the reason for his call.  Dad had passed away.

My initial reaction was how could this be.  I had just talked to him on Tuesday and he sounded fine. When you have two parents who have been divorced for years and never mention the other one's name you have to plan ahead to avoid uncomfortable situations.  Dad and I talked on the phone about once a week and with Mother coming to visit I called him before she arrived to avoid a sticky situation should he have called when she was there.

Dad had remarried a few years after he and Mother got a divorce.  In his usual style she was about thirty years younger than he was and had couple of almost grown children. My brothers and I tried to be polite but it was obvious from the beginning that she did not care much for us.  The feeling was quite mutual and I even nicknamed her the Wicked Witch of the West as she was an alcoholic and prone to not treat Dad very well when she drank.  My brothers had lots of stories about her that I really didn't care to hear but there is the one where she referred to us as lazy kids.  You could say a lot of things about my brothers and I but lazy did not fit any of us.

After working as a pharmacist for fifty-two years Dad had retired the year before at the age of seventy-four.  Without any hobbies, except for betting on college football games, or many friends I could imagine that being at home with the Witch was difficult. I always kept our conversations cheerful, tried to find some new medical or scientific fact to tell him along with the positive happenings around our house.

Was I surprised when Paul called with the news of him passing?  Yes and no.  I knew from him popping nitroglycerin pills during his visit and his disdain for doctors that talking to him about his health was not the thing to do and I actually guess that it was a call that I expected.  More than surprise it was the shock of realizing that the person who always protected me from Mother, thought I could do anything and was always positive was gone.  He built me a playhouse, taught me to ride a bike and drive a car but by far the best was how he taught me to be kind and to love.

I do have to say that he did die in what some people would think was pretty sad.  I have always thought he went out in style.  On a beautiful Sunday morning he went to the self-service car wash, had a massive heart attack and died instantly.  I could always imagine him in his white  shirt, hat, dress slacks and wing-tip shoes washing his car.  The man who never spent a day in the hospital and the man who wiped his cars off with a chamois every night in the garage died probably the way he would have wanted to.

My bothers made the funeral arrangements which was good since I knew nothing about that sort of thing.  At the age of thirty four I had only attended two or three funerals in my life and those were for people I really did not know all that well. He was not a church goer as the only time he attended church was when we were little so the funeral was more of a small memorial service at the cemetery.  There was some discord between my brothers and I from the fact that I did not want to view him in the casket. I wanted to remember him sitting at the kitchen table when we had our long discussions or painting the house in clothes people would wear to church or his smile when I would go into a long dissertation of why I needed a new dress. I had long gotten over the fact that friends would think he was my grandfather because he was older or that he loved Studebakers.

I was glad the service was short and there were not many people there.
The interesting thing is how many times through the years that I have thought when something good happened or I achieved some goal how much Dad would have liked it.  Or how he would laugh when I pulled some boo-boo.  Of course I miss him but at the same time I always feel like he is there.

When Mother's Happy......

There were good times and bad times for Mother to come for a visit.  This may have been one of the better times for her to come as things were going pretty well.  At least there was enough snow and cold weather that perhaps I was not going to have to go out and run three miles every morning with her. Plus she had seemed pretty cheerful on the phone for the last few weeks.  Dennis not so cheerful but what else was new.

In all honestly it had been a rough five years for Mother since George passed away shortly before Wally was born.  She had married George and moved to Oklahoma City in 1970.  If there was ever a prince on a white horse that rescued someone it was George. He was a geologist and one of the sweetest people you would ever want to meet.  They had a lot of fun together, flew all over the country in his little plane, spent a lot of time with all his friends and she was happier than I had ever seen her.  George's sudden death at age 54 was devastating to all who knew him.

Mother had a couple of male suitors in the five and a half years since George's death.  One we liked but she didn't and one she liked that we couldn't stand.  But I was always careful to just let things ride as it was her life, not mine plus one did not argue with Mother.  It was strange how giddy she had become lately and when she arrived on a Tuesday afternoon she was noticeably different.  She actually talked to the boys and seemed happy to see Dennis when he came home. I had not even had to revert to my usual stage of becoming twelve years all and taking directives from her.  Something was up for sure.

Before she arrived I found out that most of the mini blinds for Jim and Lisa's house were done so when she asked what I needed to do for the rest of the week I told her that there was a luncheon on Thursday that might be fun.  Also told her there were some blinds I really needed to install at a house I thought she would like to see if we could fit it in. She was agreeable to both so I called Lisa and set a time for us to install the blinds on Thursday after the luncheon.  That way Karen could pick up Wally from Mother's Day Out and take care of Wes when he got home from school.

In phone conversations with Mother I had told her about Jim and Lisa and their house.  The luncheon was fun and she enjoyed meeting everyone and promised Karen she would send recipes for the cookbook the New Neighbor's League, actually Karen, was putting together for a fundraiser. Then it was off to put up some blinds. Mother had been rather dubious about my little decorating business almost to the point of not believing I could really do something like that. Pulling up at Jim and Lisa's house was really a surprise.

Lisa was preparing for a dinner party the next night so the timing was perfect.  Remember me saying that when I first went to the house the only furniture was a dining room table that sat sixteen people?  She was busy setting the table for sixteen guests and I learned a neat trick in that she set the table ahead of time and turned all the plates and crystal upside down so that was all done in advance. I took off my heels and put on my tennis shoes to install the blinds while Lisa took Mother on a tour of the house. Just when I finished Jim arrived home, turned on the jukebox and told me it was time to dance. He tried to get Mother to dance with him but she begged off.  Needless to say she could not stop talking about the house or how nice the people were for the rest of the visit.  

She decided she needed to go home on Saturday morning and thought maybe we should all go out for pizza and then go bowling on Friday night.  Okay...I knew something was different as she had banned me from the bowling alley as a teenager because according to hear bad people with tattoos hung out at the bowling alley. To my knowledge she had never been bowling in her life and also was not fond about going out to dinner with little boys. Sounded like fun to me but what brought this on?

Finally got up the courage and the right words to ask her what was new since she had acted different ever since she arrived.  Her first comment was nothing but I pressed on and she finally told me she had started running at the Baptist Pacer Fitness Center in Oklahoma City every morning. All sorts of reasons why running indoors was better that out on the street. Finally she got around to the fact that she had met a man who was very nice and also ran everyday as part of his therapy after open heart surgery. So she was now in her flirty happy mode.  I told her I was happy for her while I was really thinking thank heavens.  This had been the first time since George passed away that she didn't get in a fight with Dennis, actually talked to her grandchildren and didn't make me feel like I was an idiot twelve year old.  This I can deal with with.

That evening of pizza and bowling may have been the nicest time we ever had together as a family. No one bowled very well but there was lots of laughter.  I was actually sad to see her leave the next morning and amazed that she didn't need help in finding her way out of town and onto the highway. It was going to be interesting to meet this man.
Guess the old saying when Mother's happy everyone is happy is true.

Life got back to it's busy normal but busy was good.  Wes had joined Cub Scouts and Wally was good enough at roller skating to go with me to Wes's school's skating parties.  I was busy working on both Lisa and Jim's house and Barney's upstairs plus I had a wallpaper job coming up 
which consisted hanging  hundred rolls of wallpaper in a house under construction pretty far out in the country.  Found a neat lady in the New Neighbors who thought it might be fun to be a helper.

Then I got a call from my brother that I had sort of been expecting but one you are never really prepared for.  Dad had passed away.

How Lucky In So Many Ways

I started writing this blog, as they call them, a couple of years ago when a friend suggested I write one about a road trip my husband, Marshell, and I took to the east coast in our Tesla.  It was challenging to write and I look back at them now and cringe at how bad they were and how much trouble I had each night writing them.  After the trip I realized that writing was fun for me so I did some on our building renovations and I have done a few political ones which now I try to stay away from as each of us has their right to their own opinions. But.....some things aren't really political.

Originally I titled the blog I Should Have Known.  That came from the thought that if I had been a little smarter, a little wiser I might not have made the boo-boos through the years that I did.  As I wrote about being born in 1946, the first year of the baby boomer generation, the thoughts and the title sometime changed to How Lucky I Was To Be Born A Baby Boomer.  I still feel that growing up when I did was a blessing.

Even though I happen to think that growing up in Muskogee, Oklahoma was the best place to live others will think their hometown was. I have written in previous blogs about my slightly dysfunctional family that I thought was completely normal.  Having two brothers, Paul, two years older and Kenny, two years younger gave me a wide circle of friends to the point where I knew pretty well everyone a few years older and younger than myself.  

Perhaps the memories of how much fun I had growing up come from the amount of innocence that surrounded us. In a town of about 35,000
kids rode their bikes or walked quite a distance to school, it was not important to always lock your doors and we played outside until it got dark with all the other kids in the neighborhood.  Most families sat down to a home cooked dinner together even if the Mother worked outside the home.  As we reached our teenage years there was a lot of things in town to do like movie and drive-in theaters, a skating rink, Friday night stock car races or high school football games. I can remember dances at the high school with the school jazz band playing after basketball games and of course, there was the cavernous building
at Meadowbrook Country Club where the local rock and roll band played on a pretty regular basis.

Growing up with two brothers both of whom were into cars/hot rods our house always seemed to be a gathering place for the local boys. I had quite a few girl friends who liked to come to my house perhaps not for my company but for the chance to see some of the boys hanging out in the garage.  My older brother, Paul, only thought of me and most of them as little pests.  It was quite devastating to me to have to hide in the backseat of the car if he had to take me to school or if in the hallway some good looking friend of his would say "Hey, Hansen, isn't that your sister?" as they passed me.  Paul's answer was always "No, I don't have a sister".  Here I thought I was a blossoming Gidget from the movie and he treated me like a silly kid who had braces on her teeth.

When I was fifteen, a sophomore in high school, I had never been on a date with a boy except if some parent drove us to a dance or to the movies. It must have been in the fall since that is the normal time of the year for hayrides that the speech classes had a hayride out to the sandbar on the Arkansas River. For some reason a very good looking boy in Paul's class asked me to go on the hayride with him. He was not really one of Paul's friends but I was more than a little excited.  A real date.

Paul was less than excited and gave me a long lecture against going out with him. He told me how stupid I was and that I had no business going out with this boy but I just thought Paul was being mean because someone in his class liked me. Naturally I was going to show Paul how grown up I was or maybe just defy him.  It turned into one of those I should have known times and also one of those I should have listened.

Mother was only agreeable with my going on a date to the hayride as it was a school function.  It did seem to surprise the speech coach when I showed up with this boy but I took it as he was just surprised that anyone would ask me for a date. But the moment the hayride started and all the way to the sandbar it became a fight to keep him off of me.
I was totally confused as to what was happening or what to do.  There were no movies with scenes in them like this.  No one treated Gidget like this. The speech coach pulled him aside once we got to the sandbar for the wiener roast and talked to him. I don't know what was said but the boy left me alone from then on.

He barely talked to me the rest of the evening and when we got back to where the hayride started I got in the car with him so he could take me home trying to make polite conversation. When he drove past the street where we should have turned to get to my house I mumbled something but he kept driving until he pulled the car off into a field and stopped.
I was trying to think of what was going on and what to do next while sitting as close to the passenger door as I could get. He lunged across the seat at me and at the same time the passenger door opened and I almost fell out.

Paul told me to get out of the car and into his. Paul said something to the boy before he came back to his car.  When Paul got into his car he asked if I was proud of myself and didn't he tell me not to go out with him. Actually he was yelling at me but I did ask how he found us in that field.  He told me he had been waiting for over an hour for us to get back and knew if I got in the car with that boy I was going to be in trouble so he followed us. Did I now understand why he was so mad when I accepted the date?  Did I know what was about to happen to me?  I said yes but I was not really sure just what all the consequences would be.

When we got home he told me to get out of the car and go in and tell Mother how much fun I had.  I asked if he was going to tell her what happened and his reply was that if he told her she would never let me out of the house again. He also said I better get a little smarter as he was never going to follow me around again. I don't remember if I thanked him and we never spoke about that night again. I was too embarrassed to ever tell anyone about that night until I told Marshell a few years ago.

The interesting thing is that when the current sexual harassment things started popping up I did stop blaming myself for what happened that night. Actually it was a good lesson for me in that I did learn to be a bit more discerning in who I accepted a date with.  I did learn how to get myself out of a bad situation like bailing out of a bathroom window when a party got out of hand or leaving a date in the woods when I did not realize what a Fraternity blanket beer party was.

This is where my How Lucky To Be A Baby Boomer part comes into play. I never drank until I was in college, clothing was never provocative, and there was that little unspoken rule that nice girls "didn't". If asked do I know the date of when this happened or the field he parked the car in? No, I don't. Did it traumatize me for the rest of my life?  Yes in that it took away some innocence and established a lack of trust.  Would I believe anyone else who shared a similar or a worse story? Yes, by all means. Would I want this to haunt the boy for the rest of his life? Another profound yes because if he did it to me he did it to many other girls who did not get rescued.  Could I prove this happened if asked? Not if Paul wasn't around as almost all things like this happen with only two people involved. Most important is that this jerk ruined my very first date and it was very difficult for years to go on a date without a great amount of fear as to what would happen.

How Lucky I Was To Be A Baby Boomer because I was taught as a teenager that you didn't drink, go out and do things against the moral values you were taught at home and that just because your friends do something it doesn't mean you can or should.  Echoing in my head is my Mother telling me that just because everyone else did things or went places I was not allowed to was because I was not "everyone else".

Thank you, Paul.  Hope you never felt bad because I never needed you to rescue me again but you did a great job of teaching me a lesson that was never forgotten.  Thank you Mother for setting strict rules for me as a teenager even though we hardly ever agreed on anything. Thank you to all the nice boys and men I have known through the years who were decent and respectful of women.  Finally, thank heavens I learned a lesson at fifteen that stayed with me all these years.

The statics are that 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted in some form or the other.  Most go unreported because of embarrassment or from no one believing their story or being ridiculed.  It would be nice if the time has come to where it is okay to speak out.

A Very Interesting Day

Kansas City did not get as much snow that year like the year before when it was piled up eight feet high on either side of the drive.  My philosophy was that there not such a thing as too much snow sort of tempered that year.  I had a lot more places to go and things to do than the previous year so less snow was a good thing.

It is an understatement to say Dennis was not very happy with my making an appointment with a decorating client on a Saturday morning.  All the years he had traveled five days a week for Ford Motor Company had set us in a pattern of never leaving the house on the weekend.  Since he was gone all week he did not want to go anywhere after he arrived home on Friday.  Races and Company parties were the exception so there was not much of a social life. He also avoided being the sole person in charge of the boys from the day they were born. He was also concerned that we were supposed to go out that night with friends from Ford like I would not be home in time.  Gads!

Needless to say driving to Jim and Lisa's it was good that they lived some distance away and I had time to reboot into a smiling normal person.  I had to get over being yelled at plus try to get rid of the apprehension of meeting Jim and acting like I knew what I was doing. All the negative and scared feelings disappeared when Jim answered the door with a big smile and told me how happy he was that I was there since they needed a lot of help.

The house looked a lot different from the one I had toured with Lisa two weeks before.  Instead of being completely empty except for the dining room table there were boxes, new furniture and things everywhere. The "things" were the fascinating part.  Jim, a plastic surgeon in his forties, was a collector of many different things. When Lisa had taken me through the house on my first visit it was hard to understand that one bedroom was to be the camera room, one the music room and the basement was to be the theater. Looking at all the stuff suddenly made sense.

Jim had over two hundred vintage cameras from all over the world.  They were to be displayed in legal shelving, the oak boxes with glass fronts that stacked on top of each other.  There was a room with every musical instrument you could imagine and in the basement were hundreds of reel to reel movies, a projector and a screen that would cover a whole wall.  There was the library/office that needed wall to wall bookshelves so did I know anyone who could build them?  There were about a hundred framed photographs taken around the turn of 
the century of the old west and Indians leaning up against many walls. 

As if my mind was not completely boggled by all this the two story foyer as big as a basketball court now had an eight foot in diameter custom made copper planter with two huge Ficus trees growing in it.  The coolest thing about the foyer was the Wurlitzer Bubble Jukebox filled with 45 rpm records in the corner. Of course it worked and to prove it Jim turned it on, grabbed my hand and we danced to some 50's rock and roll song. There were in addition two quest rooms, the master bedroom and the huge den/living room thay were Lisa's job to decorate in a more traditional manner.

I left there that day with some measurements for a few mini blinds and lots of suggestions for draperies and bedding. The thought crossed my mind that a "real" Interior Designer would kill for a job like this one but I don't think anyone would have as much fun decorating this house or enjoy being in the company of these two people as I was going to have.

Dennis did not ask anything about the people or the house I had spent most of the day at.  He probably would not have been speaking to me except that we had plans to go out for the evening.  By the time we got ready to go it had begun snowing some which made him a little more disagreeable. We took my station wagon since we were picking up two other couples for the forty mile trip to North Kansas City.

For some reason they thought it would be fun to go to a rather dilapidated bowling alley that had a bar with a stage to see, of all people, Johnny Paycheck. Now I was never in my life a country music fan except for Willie Nelson but I did know who Johnny Paycheck was and the thought of going to one of his concerts was less than exciting - especially on what turned out to be a very snowy night.

What can I say about the concert?  I did drink a few beers just to endure the thing while everyone else was having a great time.  I do have to admit to being slightly mesmerized by the way he could hold a cigarette in between his last two fingers and still play the guitar. He was the only guitar player I ever saw who could smoke, play and sing at the same time.  Sometimes he would sing with the cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth.  Maybe he had learned that during his stint in prison. Needless to say the music was very forgettable.

The fun started on the way home.  A lot of snow had fallen while we were in the bowling alley.  Dennis not being a winter person did not do a very good job of cleaning off all the windows before backing the car out of the parking space.  He had to roll down the electric window in order to see.  Naturally snow fell into the window opening and of course the window would not then go up. Have you ever had the opportunity to ride forty miles in the backseat of a car with a blizzard blowing in the window?  It is quite an interesting experience and one you don't soon forget.  The most interesting aspect was that all three guys, all three guys who were technical service advisers for Ford Motor Company, were riding in the front seat.  It was a good thing I was too covered in snow, too frozen to speak or to choke the driver.

Oh well, at least the day was only 50% bad.  Going to Jim and Lisa's that morning was really very special.  They had no idea that I had never done a house like theirs before and gave me the idea that they had full confidence in me. It was going to be a challenge but a lot of fun.

Mother called the next day to say she would be there for a visit on Tuesday.  Oh Boy!