Going to the East Coast to visit could have been a really fun experience but getting back home to Kansas City was one of those really happy moments in life. What ever excitement there was about finding the house was overshadowed by my thought that there was an Archie Bunker on every corner, I was leaving a large number of great friends and a lot of things I had worked very hard for. Best not to think about it and just keeping moving forward.
Putting on the "happy face" about the move was really hard but I had to do it for Wes and Wally. They were pretty devastated by the thought of moving. Wes was playing soccer and in Cub Scouts along with having a small army of friends to play and ride bikes with. Wally was excited not only to be going to the same school Wes but I think he felt just a little grown-up. It was a good thing that neither of the boys knew that the name of their school meant "hello" or they would have renamed it " Au revoir". They were not impressed with the pictures of the new house and really didn't want to even discuss leaving their home in Kansas City. Not an easy situation to deal with when I wasn't happy myself.
It took a day or two being back before I had the mental fortitude to call Barney and we met for lunch the next day. Thank heavens he decided a picnic would be good as I really did not think I wanted to have a moving discussion in front of a lot of other people. It was interesting that in two years of meeting for lunch and doing his house that we had managed never to discuss our marriage situations. I knew that was about to change when the first words he said to me that day was that he loved me and he did not want to make the same mistake he had thirteen years ago and have me disappear from his life.
I guess I knew this conversation had to come about at some time or another but it was never one I looked forward to having. I began by telling him that there was no way I was going to disappear again but just be a little further away. For the last month I had tried to rationalize divorcing Dennis and staying in Kansas City but had not been able to find a logical plan. I told him there was no doubt that I loved him but I had to think about the boys and how I could manage on my own.
From there I went into the fact that besides my Dad I had spent all my life with Dennis and Mother telling me I couldn't do this or that, that I was to stupid, didn't have any talent, my opinion didn't matter and on and on. When I went back to college and took fifty-two hours of math and science for a double major degree in Biology and Chemistry with great grades Dennis would tell people he always thought he would have to put his kids through college but not his wife and nothing about being proud of me. I loved the one about how I could pick out the house when I made more money than he did and of course how it was my fault when he gained weight.
Years of all the put-downs had taken their toll. But he, Barney, had begun to make me see that maybe I wasn't so stupid and had encouraged me in everything I wanted to do. Maybe the timing was all bad for this move as I really had not developed the self confidence to really believe I could make it on my own with the boys.
When I stopped talking he instantly asked why I was so worried about making it on my own. That I was one of the most talented people he had ever met except for my typing and spelling. He had also known since the day I popped back into his life that I was the one he wanted to share his life with. If I wasn't at the point where I could leave Dennis and not agonize taking the boys away from their Dad he understood. But a move to anywhere was not going to change our relationship as he would always only be a phone call or a flight away. Then he added that he was already setting up some seminars on the East Coast and there were nine medical schools in close range for him to type applications to for me. In other words, do what you feel is right for now and we will be together in the end.
That was an interesting afternoon and I have to say I felt better about moving if I could find no way to stay. He talked a lot about his relationship with Lauren and how difficult it would be for him to leave. We were both sort of in the same situation and not ready to face the turmoil. He did make me realize after seeing pictures of the New Jersey house that I had won on getting a house I wanted even though it didn't have a picket fence.
I had a million things to do in the next six weeks. In addition to keeping the boys happy I had Gordon and Paula's house to do and I needed to hire a contractor pronto. This was going to prove very interesting as I was again in uncharted territory not knowing anything about contractors. Just by chance I had met one while doing a huge wallpaper installation a few months before. Maybe him teaching me how to walk across a board sixteen feet in the air to wallpaper a two story entry way was not a very good recommendation.
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