The day after the house tour I was still pretty exhausted but quite happy in my very clean, all decorated house that smelled like a forest with all the pine and holly branches spread around. There was no need to panic about Christmas shopping that wasn't done since I sill had two weeks to get it done. Or at least that was my thought until Dennis had another idea shortly after lunch.
When Wes was born twelve years before we had gone home to Oklahoma from Dallas that first year. Then we decided that we grew up staying in our own house so it was easy for Santa to find us so we would do the same for our children. I have to admit I was totally surprised at his idea of going to Oklahoma for Christmas. There were a lot of holiday parties I was going to miss but at the same time Dennis was going to be off work for several weeks and not looking forward to going to any of them. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. The only problem was Shopping was not very good in Warner, Oklahoma and I needed to do a lot if we were going home.
Being pretty good at lists I fine tuned one that included all the relatives I figured we would see and headed out with $700.00 dollars in cash. A trip to the Mall and a pretty good list resulted in a Ford Van full of presents and a few dollars left. Over the next few days I wrapped all the presents when the boys were not around and packed them all into huge boxes that fit in the van.The volunteers at the Library assured me they would be just fine, Tug went off to the dog hotel and on the 16th of December we headed for Oklahoma. I really did not want to go as Christmas at home sounded much better but as it worked out something happened that would eventually cause a change in my life.
I really can't say I remember too much about that trip or Christmas itself. Visiting in Warner meant a lot of time playing cards, working jigsaw puzzles or talking to Dennis's various relatives who came and went. There were probably trips to Muskogee to see my two brothers and a trip to Oklahoma City to see Mom. At some point in time I must have stopped by to see my high school classmate, Robert. He was always easy to find at his drugstore and always happy to see everyone who dropped by. Somehow he was point central for everyone to drop by and say hello, talk about where they were living and catch up on some of our other classmates.
How the subject of Lisa came up rather alludes me but he mentioned she was still living in Muskogee but running a little loan company that her current husband owned in Checotah. Lisa and I were not very close friends in high school but the summer between the ninth and tenth grade we spent a lot of time together.
That was the summer before two junior high schools blended in together at Muskogee Central High. She had gone to one on the west side of town, I to one on the east side. Naturally the two schools were the usual cross town rivals and there were some kids from the west side that I did know from church and girl scouts. But on the whole the thought of going to high school and not knowing half of the people in the class was a little scary.
Muskogee at that time had a brand new YMCA. There are lots of memories of the old one when I was little as Mother must have thought it was a good place to take the three of us. Somehow she had met the director of the new one who was young and very interested in getting the teenagers involved in the Y. That summer he planned a program where we could come on a Friday night, bring our 45 records and dance. He provided a room and a record player and while he worked in his office and we danced, talked and got to know our cross town rivals. I don't remember many east side kids there but there certainly were a lot from the west side. There was one girl who laughed a lot very loudly, knew all the boys and just looked like a lot of fun. That was Lisa. She was not one to let you stand in a corner looking like a duck out of water and because of her I met a lot of the kids from the other side of town and ended up looking forward to school starting.
The only classmate I had talked to in the eighteen years since I graduated was Robert and now I find out Lisa is only a few minutes drive from Warner. Dear Dennis had done a pretty good job of keeping me away from all my friends from Muskogee all the years we were married. I resented that a lot especially when I had planned and executed his class reunion one year. So when I breached the subject of wanting to go see an old friend in Checotah, especially in front of his Mother he didn't say no. I couldn't get to Checotah fast enough.
The next morning I drove to Checotah, found her little office and surprised her. She was the same Lisa I remembered full of laughter and stories about a lot of our classmates. One of the funniest things she told me was how much she hated me in high school. Seems like the 1954 red Chevy convertible I got for my sixteenth birthday had been hers before it was mine. Seems like her Dad got mad at her about something and took it away and sold it to my Dad. Every time she saw me flying around town with the top down she hated me a little more. We finally decided to refer to it as "our" car and maybe she could like me after all. After that visit with her visits to Warner seemed a lot more fun, letters flew across the country on a regular basis and we never seemed to run out of things to talk about.
I really should not complain about our visits to see Dennis's parents. Alpha and Allen were really great people and were the best grandparents ever. They adored Wes and Wally and the boys adored them. We really did not see much of my Dad before he passed away. He and Mother divorced before Wes was ever born. The most I saw of him was when he came to Kansas City to visit for a week when little Wally was only three and lunch when we came to Muskogee to visit. Mother did not pay much attention to the boys when we went to see her or she came to visit us. It was always about her and what she wanted to do or talk about. Maybe she tried in her own way but she was not good at talking, listening or playing with them. She was good at reprimanding them so being around her was actually always a little tense.
It was nice to come home in January after two and a half weeks in Oklahoma. Time for the kids to get back to school and Dennis to work. I went back to the Library, the Home and School Association things, the Porch Club and all the other things I managed to get involved in. Barney came to Philadelphia in the latter part of January. It had been almost a year since I had seen him although we talked on the phone almost every week. I had noticed that although his business was going well and a second book had been published there was something in his voice that did not sound quite right. When I asked how everything was going he always sounded like everything was great but I never wanted to really quiz him on the phone.
He was flying into Philadelphia at 9:30 and out at 3:00 on his way to Boston. So I got the kids off to school and made arrangements for them to go to Sis's if I was late coming home. It had been a year since I had seen him and I was very happy to see him get off the plane. I hadn't really made any plans as where to go or what to do and he thought maybe we should find a relatively quiet place at the airport so we could talk. That sounded a little serious but the weather was windy and cold, not really perfect for sight seeing but when someone says they want to talk I always get a little worried about what the conversation was going to be.
We found a relatively quiet place in one of the restaurants. The conversation began with how much we were both glad to see each other and how everything was going. He really quizzed me on why I was getting involved in the Library and all the town stuff. I didn't really have an answer except that staying busy seemed to keep me happy. That was when he handed me a folder with applications to the six medical schools in the area and asked me why I wasn't doing what I really wanted to do. I probably could have gotten mad at him for telling me I needed to do something I had decided was impossible but it had always been very difficult to get mad at him about anything. I gave him all my excuses, the boys were too little and needed my attention, moving around, being out of school too long and I really didn't do well on the Physics part of the entrance exam because I never took the class.
Barney listened to my excuses and when I was done he asked if there was a real reason since none of those were valid if I really wanted to go after my dream. I had to admit he was right. It is much easier to come up with a million excuses that sound logical when you are really just afraid of failure. Now that I had my lecture I asked him just what brought this on and what was going on with him since I knew by the look in his eyes when he got off the plane something was not quite right.
He started out by apologizing for not talking to me about it over the phone. Lauren, his wife, was having trouble passing the bar exam and went to work for some juvenile services organization and four months ago she decided to foster a little two year old boy. He was surprised because she had never wanted children and she brings home this little boy. In the beginning he thought it was alright as he wasn't home much but now she wanted to adopt him. Knowing how afraid he had always been about being a father and not wanting children himself I knew this was not a very good situation. The worse part was that we were now wading into the area of talking about our spouses which we had always promised not to do.
I would have liked to have just told him to let me think about this but I had the feeling he made the pass through Philadelphia for my opinion. I wanted to just tell him I could not make an opinion on what he should do but I did not think that would work. I finally just asked him what he really felt like was the best answer. Maybe that was not the right way to ask that question because he answered it in a way that was surprise, but not really. He just smiled and said he wanted to marry me. Sorry, but I had to laugh. I sketched out the story he had just told me back to him.
He wanted my advice on what to do about adopting a child when (1) he had a terrible fear he would not be a good father from his growing up experiences (2) he always proclaimed he did not want children and (3) he wanted to marry me that would come with two children. He looked rather forlorn but realized what he had asked and said he had really missed me since I moved from Kansas City and it seemed liked he really only felt good was when we were together. I told him I felt the same way and was probably the reason I always stayed so busy. I actually think he would make a great father by doing everything he wished in his step-father. You just have to love them, teach them right from wrong and let them pursue what they want to do whether it is to play sports or be in the band or study science. Most important you have to be there when they need you. It isn't always easy and in the situation with you and me it is scary. My boys are at an age where they might resent me leaving their Dad and marrying you. Then what do we do?
He said he knew I was right and the last thing he wanted to do was to ruin what ever ridiculous
relationship ours was. He decided to try his hand at being a father which would be better than splitting with Lauren. That would only cause him to have to move to New Jersey to be near me. But I had to promise to at least try to get into medical school so I did not spend the rest of my life thinking I should have. His last comment, said with a big smile, was that at least I did not turn him down on the marriage proposal. No, I told him, I didn't because next time he was going to have to get down on his knee.
It was hard to watch him get on the plane. Seventeen years ago I turned down his proposal to live with him without getting married and now I had in effect turned him down again. This time I did feel like I would hear from him again soon and I guess I was going to have to try to keep my promise about school. It was a little scary but I at least needed to try.
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