Making The Best of a Not Merry Christmas

Funny how we look forward to something, imagine how much fun it is going to be and whip it up in our mind to be nothing short of spectacular.  When I did that it usually turned out to be a disaster.  Guess I learned pretty young that one needs a great amount of "spring back" to navigate through life.

Going home for Christmas after four months away at college still stands out as one of those events.  What I imagined as two and a half weeks of family, fun and Christmas spirit was quickly dashed the moment I got off the plane.  For some reason Mother was not prepared for the once again blonde haired daughter who arrived with luggage forty pounds overweight filled with clothes borrowed from friends. It was several days later that she began speaking to me.  Actually I didn't want to talk to her as she had sold my car.  

This was behavior I was quite used to since any minor little mistake, coming home from a date late, dating someone she didn't like, getting involved with cheer leading, plays or not agreeing with her on every thought she had resulted in the same silent treatment. Poor Dad was treated the same way.  We actually went on a vacation once when Mother did not speak to Dad for the entire two weeks we were gone. That was an interesting trip filled with the usual "Donna, would you tell your Father it it time to eat" or "Donna, would you tell your Father he is on the wrong road".  I did learn to read a map at an early age.  

I learned from Dad to simply live through the silence until I was on Mother's list of people who were worth talking to.  There was never a discussion on why she was not speaking to us and acted like everything was fine.  Placating her moods and whims was not good for either of us and was a behavior pattern I kept for far too many years.



I do remember a few things about those three and a half weeks of Christmas vacation. A guy, Dennis, I had dated my senior year came home for a few days.  He had been a student teacher at our high school and was off in New Mexico working.  Before I had left for college he was in the "marry me now or never" mode. He was older and more serious than I was and the idea of marriage was pretty far out of my realm.  I left for college which was my answer to his question.  When he came home that Christmas I got him to take me to see the Ice Capades in Tulsa.  That was fun. My answer to his question was the same as it had been in the fall.

My lifesaver was a boy who was a year younger than me that lived around the corner. Tom had been in the speech department at high school with me.  We started hanging out together and went to a dance or two, the movies and I got to counsel him on his girl problems.  He was extremely funny and I seem to remember that we laughed all the time. Besides he had to be home earlier than I so I stayed out of trouble in that respect with Mother. Guess Tom was not a threat to Mother's little world.

Tom at Honor Heights Park

One day we went out and took pictures of the "sights" in Muskogee so I could take them back to college and show them to my friends. On New Year's Eve we went to a dance at Meadowbrook Country Club where I had been a lifeguard the summer before.  Mother was in the hospital after having some surgery.  We stopped by the hospital before the dance.  Tom was wearing a huge black cape and carrying a briefcase in which we had put a bottle of champagne and some glasses to celebrate the evening with Mother.  Must have been as interesting sight. I think I was actually celebrating that in two days I would be on the plane headed back to college. Doing silly things with Tom saved that Christmas time at home.



This has been a very hard story to write.   I have spent the last six weeks trying to decide how to explain the patterns of behavior I developed growing up.  If I didn't then I really could not go on with my stories.  So many of our choices and decisions we make through our life come from patterns of behavior we learn at a very young age.  My term "spring back" that I used in the first part of this story gave me the ability to make the most of a bad decision or situation.  When things were not good or happy I have the ability to put them aside and spring back to a happier mode. I have also had the great good fortune of having friends and family I could depend on.

It gets really interesting from here on.  If you want to keep reading go back up to the top and hit the little subscribe box.  You will get put on the automatic mailing list.