If there was anything I Should Have Known in my lifetime journey it was why my relationship with my mother was so difficult. Writing now it is hard to reflect on our relationship back then without slipping in all the things I did learn later. But that whole story would take another book. So I will try to stay in that time frame.
We had lived in Kansas City for seven months before Mother finally decided to come for a visit. There always seemed to be some reason for her not to come, she was busy, there was a lot of snow, Ninette was here and so on and so on. I was looking forward to her arrival and dreading it at the same time. But the house looked perfect, the boys were presentable, lots of food in the cupboard, Kansas City had lots of places for us to see and all the neighbors were anxious to meet her. Before her expected arrival sometime in the early afternoon Wally and I drove the three mile course I had mapped out for the daily run making sure it had the least hills possible which wasn't easy, then baked cookies and an apple pie. Thank heavens Karen invited us for lunch across the street. It killed time and Wally could play with Karen's son.
She finally arrived late in the afternoon a little confused. One has know that my Mother was directionally challenged. When she married George and moved to Oklahoma City the only way she could find her way home was to be able to see the tall, round Founder's Tower so I was not surprised. I had sent her a map, a picture of the house, written out where to exit the freeway and what she would pass if she missed any turn. That must have not been helpful as she had to stop three different times for directions. The last stop was not very far away and a gentleman offered to lead her to the house. At fifty-six years of age, five foot nine and very trim she was very good at getting men to help a damsel in distress.
I took her on a tour of the house which she really liked. Access to her room was from a catwalk that went across the back of the two story living room which she thought was really neat. Wes arrived home from school and disappeared on his bike, Karen came over to meet Mom and Dennis arrived home on his best behavior. We discussed what to do the next day and of course there was the jog at 6:00 am, Wes off to school, Wally to the church at 9:00 and the day was ours to go to the Country Club Plaza to shop and have lunch. I fell into bed thinking all had gone pretty well for day one.
Guess I should say here that to me race horses run, sports people run in games they get paid to run in and regular people only run if they hear a child cry or the house is on fire. At 6:00 am with new running shoes on I felt like I was breaking some rule of nature. Mother arrived in the kitchen dressed in a very fashionable running outfit, I was in shorts and a yucky sweatshirt, all cheerful and ready to do warm-up exercises. Dennis was not happy he needed to take care of the boys and breakfast.
Upon hitting the street I realized that our entire subdivision was all a series of mountains that only appeared to be little inclines. Even though I actually thought I was going to die at any second when Mother asked me how I was doing I would flash a big smile and say "great"! It was with great relief and a little bit of pride when I ran up our drive way and realized I was still alive.
We drove to the Country Club Plaza on my favorite route through the old, stately neighborhoods of Kansas City while I pointed out all the sights I knew. Kansas City actually has more fountains that Rome and we made it past most of them. She loved the Plaza as that was where all the expensive stores were and the great restaurants. Mother had this passion for shopping and I was usually the target. I use the term target as she only bought clothes for me that she liked which were 180 degrees from what I liked. That day I came home with one of those running outfits and an Albert Nipon dress ($300.00) that was red with white polka dots. Yes, it did look cute on me but I thought I needed a big red nose and huge shoes as I felt like a clown. Oh well, maybe I could make it into a Halloween costume. Lunch was at a little Italian place which was awesome. The evening went well as Mother and I sat out on the deck and carefully avoided Dennis. So far, so good.
I did better the next day on the run and maybe it was the new running outfit that made me feel like I knew what I was doing. Mother breezed through the cupboards and planned dinner for the evening and got most of it ready before we ventured off for the day. Since it was a beautiful day and we had Wally I decided we should go to 12th Street and Vine for the Friday brown bag and blues lunch on the street. We went by a Deli and got sandwiches and drinks, found a place on the steps of a building, had lunch and listened to some great music. Also on Fridays there was a tour of Hallmark Cards in the Crown Center. I had done the tour with the New Neighbors and it was really fun. For a dollar Wally could play in the playroom and Mother really enjoyed the tour showing the artists actually creating the cards to the printing and the shipping.
Crown Center also had lots of nice shops so Mother came home with several items of new clothes for her.
When we got home on Friday from touring around Karen came over and asked how long Mother was staying. Interesting that I hadn't asked but she said she needed to go home on Sunday. Karen announced that she and two of the other neighbors were planning a cookout at Gary Krings house if Mother was going to be there Saturday evening. Mother thought that would be fun and said we would come. Needless to say, Dennis was not happy but he agreed to go just because Gary was the only neighbor he liked. Pretty cool when the neighbors throw a party for your Mother. That evening we sat on the deck again and she grilled me on what I was going to do about medical school. I explained that I was going to see the admissions people at each school the next week and would apply again. We talked about the health clinic but I did not tell her about wallpapering for Gary Krings or the possibility that I had an interior design job. Day two down - one to go.
I felt pretty good on the jog on Saturday and did not have to fake the smile. Wes had a soccer game at 10:00 so that took up the morning. Dennis was dying to go to a restaurant called Stroud's so we all went there for lunch. Stroud's was underneath an abandoned railroad trestle in an older part of Kansas City. Usually you had to wait in a line outside but you could get a beer or a glass of wine to enjoy while you waited in line....sometimes for an hour. The decor was leftover from the thirties with tables propped up with plates or ashtrays to make them sit even on the sagging wooden floor. There were mismatched wooden chairs with very faded red and white checked tablecloths. In the middle of the floor was a full size grand piano that a lady who had to be at least 100 sat at in a faded long black dress and played and sang songs for your entertainment. The only thing on the menu was fried chicken, chicken gizzards or chicken livers, mashed potatoes and green beans. It was like being taken back on a time machine to some other era but that was the best fried chicken I ever ate. Stroud's was always a unique experience and one of my favorites.
Mother had whipped up a pot of baked beans that she put in the oven before we left for lunch so we took those and a cheese ball I made to the cookout. The small gathering had grown to about fifty people including all the little ones. Everyone had brought food to share and it was all wonderful almost to the point of looking like a contest as to who could cook the best. My neighbors were all friendly which comes from the fact that we all had moved from someplace else. Without family all of us transient people sort of hung together. Mother was very good at meeting new people and by the end of the evening she had many invitations for the next time she was here to go do this or go see that.
I did take notice that after we ate that Dennis had vanished. Except for his disappearing act Day Three went very well.
The jog went really well on Sunday and I thought for a moment I could do this everyday......not. Dennis was barely speaking at breakfast and headed for the garage before Mother left. I decided to let her follow me to the highway so she didn't get lost again. Needless to say a great sense of relief swept over me as her car disappeared down the road. I spent four days saying "yes, Mother", "I will Mother" and agreeing with her about things I really did not agree with to keep her happy. I had grown up spending every day trying to please her and that pattern of behavior was not something I knew how to change. Obviously I carried on with the same behavior with Dennis.
Guess I must have done something wrong while she was there since Dennis didn't speak to me for four days. Actually that was okay as I had a pretty busy week ahead with the two appointments at the medical schools, the health clinic job and decisions on Barney's house. It also felt very nice to be grown up again instead of Mother's twelve year old daughter.
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