Things worked out for me to start Barney on his lessons in how to be silly. Not being terribly interested in watching some of my father-in-law's favorite television shows such as Hee Haw and the Grand Old Opera there was plenty of time for my mind to wander and come up with a plan. By a stroke of luck the day before we were to go home to Kansas City it was decided that one last fishing trip was in order. Wally was definitely not interested in going so I volunteered to stay home with him.
With the house all quiet I picked up the phone, dialed his number and heard his very business like hello. With a very thick foreign accent from no particular country and a napkin over the phone I said:
"Mr. Barney, this Gorda Siigniinstiine. I vent to your talk in Chicago and need ask questions."
"Good afternoon, Gorda. I remember you. How do you spell your last name and how can I help you."
" You no learn ponics in school? It easy, S-i-i-g-n-i-i-n-s-t-i-i-n-e?" You talked on property in your village in money trouble. Vas it in place named Beewood?'
"I believe that it was Leawood, a very nice housing addition. If it is that particular property it is in foreclosure and could be purchased much below market value. Are you interested in a home in this area or for resale?"
"I buy many homes. Vhat I need to learn is how many Vindows does house have. Vindows very in need. Fresh air come, plants grow and make feel good."
There was several moments of silence except for the sound of papers being shuffled.
"Gorda, I don't seem to find that exact information but I am sure it has sufficient windows."
"I must know exact number. You go count and I vill call back tomorrow, yah?
"I can do that. Is there a number where you can be reached?"
"I staying in hotel. The phone says Dial 9. Vill dat vork?"
"I don't think so but just be sure to call me tomorrow. It has been so nice talking to you."
"I like talking to you. I vill call tomorrow. Bye, Mr. Barney."
"Goodbye, Gorda. Talk to you soon."
How I got through the call without laughing I will never know. Loved the fact that he remembered Gorda whom he never met and the sound of the shuffling papers. I could picture him jumping in the car and heading off to count vindows. The fun part will be how I let him know he had been played with, yah?
The trip back to Kansas City was the usual drive straight thru as fast as you could get there. One of the most annoying parts of travelling with Dennis was that there was no reason to stop to eat when I could cook once we got home. Wes and Wally would complain about starving but the answer was usually that we would be home in three hours so there was not reason to stop and eat.
We arrived home on Saturday, the weekend before Labor Day which meant I had a week until we would be off again for Indianapolis and the NHRA drag racing nationals. But I also had to squeeze Wes's ninth birthday party in. I had managed to get the drywall done and sanded before we left. That was a good thing as I think every child in Lenexa ended up being invited to the party. With being able to use the basement and the access to the backyard it went pretty well but it would be the last birthday party I would have at home. We do not want to talk about Dennis using a mop to get the drywall dust up off of the concrete floor the morning of the party. I must say it did create a rather interesting white swirl pattern all over the floor, gave me the luxury of spending most of the day on my hands and knees with a bucket of water and a scrub brush and a reason to ban mops from my life forever.
That particular year going to Indy was very exciting. We left Kansas City very early in the morning. Dennis had gotten a blow up mattress for the back of the station wagon for the boys if they wanted to sleep since we always seemed to drive all night. Everyone was settled in the car as we headed down the road but about the time we had gone seventy miles Dennis asked me if I had picked up his wallet. Somehow I guess it had become my responsibility to be the curator of his wallet, glasses and keys. Guess I fell down on my job that time.
Back to Kansas City to get his wallet and off again. Ever listen to cursing for 140 miles in two hours and twenty-three minutes until we got back to the place where we had turned around? But that was not to be the most exciting part of the trip. Just across the Indiana state line we needed to stop for gas. Of course the boys were hungry but it would be a waste of time to eat since we could eat gourmet White Castle burgers when we got to Indy. So the boys got potato chips and Root Beers. As we were pulling out of the station Dennis slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting a truck. Remember the air mattress in the back of the station wagon where the boys were? Well, somehow Wes's Root Beer flew out of his hand and travelled across the back seat to splat on the back of Dennis's head.
Sorry....not sorry....but that was funnier than making Barney go count windows. There was no way I could keep from laughing but through Dennis's cursing I do remember hearing how not funny it was. No it actually was very funny especially since he did not stop to clean up the mess. Guess it was more important to drive down the highway in a sticky Root Beer smelling mess than to waste another minute. He even went to White Castle still in the Root Beer stained shirt and sticky hair. Seems like there was some rule about once you checked into a motel room you could not leave until morning so changing before going to eat was out of the question.
Leaving the race track in Indy around 7:00 pm meant pretty well an all night drive home. Wes started back to school that morning, Dennis went off to work and Wally and I cleaned out the car and put everything away. Things were about to get a little busier with my part-time job at the health clinic starting, finishing the basement for the upcoming Wine and Cheese Party and several more decorating jobs to go make quesstamations on (it always seemed I had to make a guess at a price quote). I was actually just very happy to be home with little time to think.
Barney called and we planned lunch on Thursday. Vonder if he vould mention counting vindows? Yah!
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