Still Learning

Things seemed to settle down a bit after the marriage counseling sessions and Dennis realized I was not going to change my mind about the divorce.  Things were a little better but still very uncomfortable with us living in the same house.

Wally had friends that lived close by to play with and Wes was working at the skating rink as the DJ along with joining the  speed skating team.  The speed skating was - less say interesting.  All the competitions seemed to be miles away and occurred around 6:00 or 7:00 on a Saturday or Sunday morning.  Wes and I would head out an hour or so before the scheduled time to find where we needed to be.  The races lasted three or four hours and I can remember how uncomfortable the hard wooden seats became after a very short time.    Oh, the things a Mother gets to do but it was a nice diversion for both of us and Wes was actually pretty good.  It was just a little difficult since some Friday or Saturday nights Wes worked until almost midnight and I always went to pick him up.  

There would be no vacation, well, no trip to Oklahoma to visit Dennis' family that year so when Karen, my best friend/neighbor from Kansas City invited us to come see them I was all for it.  Karen and her family had moved to Lake Zurich, Illinois a little north of Chicago.  I had never been to Chicago and a break in the living situation sounded great so the boys and I loaded up and took off. 

My lease car for that year was a 1985 "Eddie Bauer" Ford Bronco II with a five speed that was really fun to drive.  We drove through beautiful western Michigan, through Chicago to Karen's.  Her son, Kedric, was in between Wes and Wally in age and they had a great time.  Karen had had a second boy a year or so earlier that needed his room decorated so we made plans to fix it up.  Karen had helped me with the decorating many times in Kansas City and I could just send the items up to her and she would finish installing them.  

Two interesting things about the trip to Karen's.  First she asked me why I was still wearing my wedding ring when I had filed for divorce. That was funny in that I had never thought about it.  There were so many other things concerning the divorce that it never came to mind.  We took the boys to Six Flags Great America and had a great time.  On the way home we did a small tour of Chicago by going to the science museum and Lakeshore Drive.  Walking along the shore line of Lake Michigan I took the wedding ring off and tossed it into the lake. Just what does one do with an old wedding band?  Keep it as a reminder of not so happy times or sell it and send sad times to someone else?  Better it lay at the bottom of Lake Michigan.

That was about the same time that Dennis would come home for dinner, eat and then leave.  Sometimes he came home before I went to bed, sometimes not.  Of course I did not ask where he went as I really did not care.  It was actually pleasant to have him out of the house several evenings a week.  When Labor Day was coming he announced to me that he and Wes were going Up North for the weekend.  Once again, I did not ask anything about their trip but started planning someplace for Wally and I to go.

Having a rather limited budget motels were out of the question.  It was lucky that one of my wallpaper client/neighbors had told me how much fun camping was so we borrowed all of her camping gear, loaded our bikes on a bike carrier we got from someone else and struck off for northern Michigan. Someone suggested we head for a campground on Lake Michigan close to the Mackinaw Bridge. Sounded okay to me not really realizing I had not camped since I was a girl scout and might not know everything there was to know about it. Also we were lucky to find a campsite as everyone in the state of Michigan goes camping on Labor Day weekend. They also all camp close to the bridge as that is the weekend thousands of people walk across the five mile long bridge.

Still have to laugh about what greenhorns we must have looked liked.  Of course it took us a long time to set up the borrowed tent, of course we were not very good at starting a campfire but campers across the road came to our rescue. My girl scout days finally kicked in and we had a great first night snuggled up in the borrowed sleeping bags with the temperature around forty degrees. The days went up into the seventies and it was great sweatshirt and blue jean weather.

On the subject of sweatshirts, Wally had an electric lime green one.  I know that because every picture from our trip has him in the same sweatshirt.  There it was at Tahquamenon Falls on the Upper Peninsula and again in Paradise, Michigan on Lake Superior. While in Paradise we toured the Lake Superior Shipwreck Museum and stopped to get gas.  I asked the attendant pumping the gas  how much snow they got in the winter. To my surprise he said about 300 inches!  When I asked what they did with 300 inches of snow and he politely answered that they played in it. I took that as my new motto and would love every snowflake that fell from then on.

One day we took our bikes on the ferry and went to Mackinaw Island.
That was a day I will always remember for a couple of reasons.  First the Island is so unique in that cars are not allowed so there are carriages or you can ride your bike.  Wally and I rode around the entire Island and my favorite place was the Grand Hotel. On my list of most favorite movies is "Somewhere In Time" that starred Christopher Reeves and Jane Seymour that was filmed there.  It  was as magnificent as I expected it to be. There was also the surprise sight of George from the skating rink in Farmington Hills.  Turned out that George worked on the Island every summer dressed in a Revolutionary War uniform and  was very good at the drum, fife and musket.  That was just one of those really special days.

The best part of that Labor Day weekend was not just the camping trip and all we saw and did.  It was the most memorable vacation I ever had.  It was the first time in my life where I went where I wanted to go, saw what I wanted to see and began to feel like I was really on the verge of being free. I was thirty-nine years old and it was the first time I went someplace and did not have to listen to someone complain about something or not speaking to me or telling me I couldn't do something.
It was also the first time in nineteen years that I went out of town without Dennis except one time when I drove from Kansas City to Oklahoma City and back in one day to pick up some plants.  When other people talked about how much fun they had on a vacation I would roll my eyes back in my head and tell myself they were making it all up.  

That silly little camping trip showed me that there was a life out there that could be a lot of fun.  A life where you did not have to be on guard every moment for fear you will do or say the wrong thing.  My mother and Dennis had treated me in much the same way all my life.  The only time I really lived without the fear of getting in trouble for doing something wrong was when I was away at college at Stephens.  

I would need to keep all the thoughts about how great life could be in the next couple of months.

The Worse Has Yet To Come

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In some alternate universe I had believed that telling Dennis I had filed for divorce would be the worst part of the ordeal.  I would break the news to him, he would sigh, move out of the house, go on his way and that would be that.  I should have known better but funny thing is that no one tells you the aftermath of that kind of breaking news flash.

His first reaction was not a sigh but more a combination of shock and rage.  The shock came from the fact that I never argued since I learned early on I always was wrong.  I think he believed I was the happiest little wife in the world since dinner was always on the table at the prescribed time, the yard was mowed by 5:00 on Friday afternoon, house and clothes clean and tidy and I was always fine with uprooting and moving across the country. Maybe there was also the element of what would friends and family say when they found out what looked to be a perfect marriage had just fallen apart.

The rage was a whole other story.  Hadn't he always provided me with a nice house, new cars and everything I wanted?  Now I was going to have to live in a ghetto or be a homeless person pushing around a shopping cart with a few ragged possessions.  He would take the boys away from me as I was not a good mother. Somehow he came to the conclusion that roller skating was the entire reason I had filed for divorce and that I had to be having an affair while rolling around the rink with the children.  The worst part is that he did not move out of the house as he was staking his claim to it also.

I moved into the guest room the very evening I broke the news to him relived that that part of the ordeal was done.  Just like no one had ever said how painful the announcement of divorce was they also did not prepare me for the aftermath of living in the same house together.  What happens when no one moves out and it takes months for a final settlement?  Not knowing what to do I just carried on in my usual fashion of cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing. Dennis arrived home every evening to dinner on the table but I never knew whether he would be in rage mode and yelling at me as to how bad a person I was or come home trying to be nice and begging me to stay.  He even suggested that I didn't need to file for divorce, I could just stay in the guest room and we could act like everything was hunky dory.

After a few weeks he suggested we go to a marriage counselor.  Not my favorite idea but I was trying to keep the waters calm because of the boys so I agreed.  I think we went twice and had to take Wes and Wally with us.  They did not want to talk to the guy and I couldn't blame them.  At that point in time they were so confused about what was going on what could they even say. I never could figure out if we only went twice because Dennis said that is all health insurance would pay for or if he really did not want to listen to anymore.

At the counselor's Dennis expressed his bewilderment in why I would not want to stay married to him as the guy was just trying to get some basic information.  He believed we had been perfectly happy for the past nineteen and half years.  It did not take long for the counselor to decide to talk to us one at a time.  I went and sat with the boys while Dennis poured out his frustrations.

When my turn came I just told the guy that I just had reached the end of trying to be the person he wanted me to be. When he asked what I meant by that it really opened up the flood gate.  I don't think until that moment that I ever really thought much about why Dennis treated me as he did.  But as I poured out the stories of the Honeymoon From Hell,  how he wanted me to finish college and become as English teacher but I got a degree in Pre-Med so I could go to medical school, how he really had no friends since everyone he met was stupid, how he gave our dog away because the kids and I adored it, how everything that happened was my fault especially how I made him gain weight and that he was honestly never happy.

I told him how some minor infraction like having fun on a Ford company trip to some exotic place could get me the silent treatment for several weeks after we got home. How every time I had a little business going or was getting close to applying to medical school he got us moved to a new place.  Sure I got a new car every year due to the fact that he worked for Ford but most of the time it was his choice and not mine, sure we lived in nice houses but the only one that was my choice was the one he cursed everyday we lived there. That was when I came to the realization that Dennis was so insecure that he did not want me to succeed at anything and that he really did not want friends because they only made him feel more insecure.

The counselor was a little amazed and asked me how I managed to survive all those years.  I told him that it was really pretty simple.  I merely was who he wanted me to be during the time he was home and who I wanted to be when he was at work or travelling for his job.  Somehow when he traveled with his job and I managed to very capable of doing everything myself from fixing a car to tearing down a broken racing engine to managing the house to taking care of the boys and making lots of friends.  It was like when he left for work in the morning it was my happy time to dance as I cleaned house or run around with friends or played with the boys or roller skated and just had fun until he walked back in the door. The silent treatment got to the point where it was okay because for a few days or weeks I wasn't called stupid and besides my mother had treated me much the same way.

Time was up for that session.  When we went back the next week he talked to both of us at the same time.  His first comment to me was that I should win an academy award for my performance through the years.  He told Dennis some of the things I had said and how did Dennis think we could work through our differences.  I thought Dennis was going to explode and he told the counselor none of it was true. I sat very quietly as the counselor went through some of the things I had said and asked Dennis about them. It was really very sad that the last time he could remember socializing with anyone except Ford people was our going away parties in New Jersey over a year before, no I did get to pick my new car every year but it had to be a van so we could drag around a race car trailer, no he had lots of friends but had trouble naming any and he gave the dog away because it was too much trouble.  We made another appointment for the next week but cancelled it.  

Actually going to a counselor was a good thing.  That was when Dennis realized no matter how much he begged and pleaded with me to cancel the divorce I was not going to do it.  I also learned that I was at fault. A few stories back I wrote that the old saying about "sticks and stones can hurt your bones but words can never harm you" was not accurate.  Would things have been a lot different if I had fought back when Dennis called me names, did things I didn't like or just simply stood up for what I wanted or what I thought the right thing to do was?  Divorce is usually a two way street and my inability to argue and just remain silent only made me miserable and gave Dennis the opportunity to feel secure.  It was strange but at that time I seemed to be crying everyday when I was the one who filed for divorce.  But there was no going back.  One would think that maybe everything would go a little better living in the same house until some future court date.  

But that was only the beginning.......  

Happy Father's Day?

Some stories are much harder to tell than others.  This is definitely one of them. 

When Bob, my attorney, called on a Friday and told me the divorce papers had been filed and that I had to tell Dennis by Monday that I had filed for divorce I think my heart stopped. Somehow I never thought in this whole process that I would have to break the news to Dennis.  Maybe they could just serve him with papers and it would be over.  Bob said no.  My telling him was the best way and that he would be served with papers on Monday. 

If you put a calendar of the entire year on the wall and threw a dart anyplace it landed except that particular weekend would have been better. That Saturday was my thirty ninth birthday and Sunday was Fathers Day.  Do I tell him on Friday night and get it over with?  No, then he would be home all weekend and I really wanted any conversations about the divorce to occur without the boys sitting there.
I managed to procrastinate all through the weekend.  I know we celebrated both holidays and if there had been an acting award I would have certainly won as I managed somehow to act normal when I was actually terrified.

Sunday night came faster than usual or it seemed.  The boys went to bed and Dennis was sitting on the couch watching television and I just announced to him that I filed for divorce and he would be getting the papers the next day.  I really don't know how I got the words out of my mouth I was so nervous but when I saw the look of total surprise on his face it was like a "gotcha" moment.  There had been times that weekend when I actually thought about just cancelling the divorce just as I had spent years knowing I wanted out but couldn't do it. But Dennis's look of total shock suddenly gave me a lot of courage.

His first questions was why? He may have been sorry he asked that as I went through a rather extensive list of how I was tired of being told I was stupid, that he gave me nothing but a hard time when I was going to college, made fun of me in public, never lifted a hand around the house or willingly took care of the boys if I had something to do and we had no friends because he really did not like anyone. I don't think he quite expected my extensive list and denied all of it in very feeble ways.

He asked me when he put me down in public - not something he should have asked.  When we lived in Dallas there was a going away party for someone at Ford and I fell asleep at dinner.  Everyone wanted to know if I was alright and Dennis said sure she just studies too hard at college.  He then said he thought he would have to put his kids through college, not his wife.  That evening was the last night of finals and I had been up for forty-eight hours.  Plus I paid for my tuition, books, gas and child care from a little business I had.  That was the drag racing days when I can remember him going racing and there was not even enough money for me to buy a gallon of milk. There was certainly not enough money for me to buy even a notebook.

Maybe he decided that was not a good subject so he told me I was going to be poor and how did I expect to take care of the boys.  Guess he thought I was too stupid to get a job.  I told him I would be fine living in a ghetto as long as he wasn't around. Then he said he would fight me for custody of the boys.  I actually laughed when he said that.
I asked him how many times he had taken care of the boys,  didn't he stay late at work so he did not have to go to Wally's baseball games as Wally's lack of skill embarrassed him, how was he going to take care of them when his job made him travel for weeks at a time, was he going to cook, clean, do homework with them or take off of work when they were sick?  If so, that would certainly be a new thing.

The really funny thing that I remember him saying close to the end of our two hour confrontation was that roller skating had to be the reason I was divorcing him. That ever since we moved to Michigan and started roller skating I had been acting different.  No, roller skating was the only bright spot in my life since we came to Michigan.  I told him all he did was to complain about his job, like when we lived in New Jersey he only wanted to move back to Dallas, he had to buy his little junior executive mansion we really could not afford but yet I was not to go to work as that would not look good. I went on to add that there were hundreds of nice homes on tree lined streets with nice neighbors that would have cost half of what the one he built had cost but we could not buy them because the garage was too small.

About the time I told him the boys probably thought my name was really "G__ D___t, Donna" since he called me that several times a week he gave up.  Naturally he did not believe anything I said and that he was a wonderful husband, father and provider.  Then he went upstairs and woke up Wes to tell him what I was divorcing him and ruining the family. Not a great thing to do at midnight and there were better ways to tell a child.

He went to bed and I crashed on the sofa.  There was no problem with me going to sleep that night.  It had been a very stressful weekend and I was exhausted but very glad telling him was over. That part was over but just as I was unprepared finding out I had to tell him I was really unprepared for the next four months. Bob had given me instructions not to move out of the house as that would affect the settlement.  Who would have guessed that Dennis would have refused to move out of the house also?

One might assume that that weekend would be the worst and the rest all downhill.  Nice thought but things were only getting started.

Finally!

It is really difficult to explain the real reason why after nineteen year what made me decide to actually seek a lawyer who dealt with divorces.  Actually I should have realized on the honeymoon from hell that I had made a serious error by marrying someone I really did not know.  Maybe I was just too optimistic in thinking things would get better. Maybe I was too embarrassed for people to find out that I was a total flop at everything including being a wife.  It was not an easy moment when I called and made an appointment with an attorney.

It was not easy to get out of the car after arriving at the attorney's office that day.  I could just drive away and be a no show but I didn't.
The slight surprise to begin with was the office and how beautiful it was.  Dennis considered my skating friends, even though he had never met any of them, to be the dirge of the earth.  Maybe I was too naive or watched too much television as I thought lawyers worked in offices with their name on frosted glass windows and desks covered in piles of paper and over flowing ashtrays.  A magazine model type woman was there to greet me surrounded by polished wood, shiny brass name plates and lots of leather.  

As I settled into one of the leather chairs to wait for the attorney she offered me coffee which I declined as at that point I could hardly breathe, much less swallow any coffee.  More fear set in when a very nice looking man in a striking three piece suit came and introduced himself as Bob, my attorney. My vision of a rather dumpy guy in a rumpled suit and crooked tie made me think I might be in the wrong place as dollar signs danced through my head.

For all my apprehension and fear I was amazed at how quickly it disappeared once we started talking.  He asked a lot of questions asked how long we had been married, children, Dennis's job and of course, why was I seeking a divorce.  It isn't easy to explain why I would want a divorce from a man who didn't really drink, run around with other women, was home every night for dinner, no physical violence and provided well for the family.  But with a lot of questions from him I was able to explain the fits of rage over silly things like sitting on his sunglasses on the honeymoon, constantly telling me I was stupid, not liking hardly any people as they were all stupid and on and on.

He asked how long I had thought of leaving and it was hard to admit how many years it had been.  I had fantasized about not making every move we had made in the last eight years but did not think I could support the boys.  There had been daydreams about how easy it would be to simply disappear and leave the boys with him but knew I could not do that.  Then I thought I would just stay until the boys graduated from high school.  The thing I really remember him telling me was that I was actually doing more damage to the boys by staying.  That children understand at an early age that things are not like their friend's parents. That there was never a good time for a divorce and that they were never easy.

It surprised me that we talked for almost two hours.  When I had poured out everything he asked a few more questions about our finances such as did Dennis have any secret bank accounts or off-shore accounts. I almost laughed at that but I guess since Dennis worked for Ford he may have thought he had more money that I did not know about.  In the end he told me I needed to decide and be sure that this was what I wanted to do.  He did not want me to work and show any income and that if I went through with the divorce he would make sure I had money to live on and could support the boys.  He would do some checking and I could call him back when I made a decision be it a week or a month or a year from now and he would represent me.  

Thinking about my discussion with Bob it had answered a lot of questions but this was still a big step. I decided I needed time to think everything over and there was probably that pie-in-the-sky thought that maybe things would get better. There was also the thought of how Wes and Wally would take the divorce and when would be the best time to go through with it.

That spring there was a Detroit Grand Prix in downtown Detroit.  Wally had made friends with a little boy whose Dad had an office in what was called the Renaissance Center. The RecCen, as it was called, was a series of seven interconnected skyscrapers located on the river in downtown Detroit.  Bobby, Wally's friend, invited him to go to his Dad's office high up in the RenCen to watch the race. That sounded nice, actually I would have liked to have been invited to go. What I did not know at the time was that there was a huge party at the office.

Seems like Bobby's Dad had a friend who had a club across the river in Windsor, Canada. Club is a nice way to term it and there was probably a better way to describe it.  He came home that evening and told us how much fun it had been to ride up and down on the very fast elevators. I could see two ten year old boys being fascinated with the elevators.  He did say that on one of the elevator rides there was some guy that was a movie star.  He did not remember his name but I asked if he had sort of light colored hair, very blue eyes and was maybe a little older than his Dad.  It was with a huge amount of envy I realized it was Paul Newman.

I had noticed an article on the society page of the Detroit paper about the party Wally had attended. We were riding in the car with Wes and Wally in the backseat so I decided to ask Wally about the party. I sort of approached it with were there many people at the event. He said it was pretty crowded which is why they rode the elevator. Next question was who were the people at the party. In his sweet little voice he said that Bobby's Dad's friend, Jason had invited at lot of his friends. Were the friends nice and what did they look like.  Oh, yes, he replied.  They all talked to us and they were very pretty girls in T-shirts and shorts. He went on to say that one of them had been in a movie and he thought her name was Linda but couldn't remember her last name. I did not expect fourteen year old Wes to ask if her name was Lovelace....like he was too young to know about things like that. Wally said that was it.

Wes carried on for many miles about how come Wally got to do all the cool stuff. There were probably some bad words thrown in as he berated his brother.  Well, Wally didn't know as all they were to him were pretty girls who were nice to him but the elevator was the most fun. That made me reminiscence of when Wally learned to read in New Jersey. Crossing the bridge to go into Philadelphia there was a plethora of signs advertising gentleman's clubs.  From the backseat we would hear "Peep Show $.25" or "Girls, Girls, Girls".  Needless to say we never told him what the signs meant.  But hey, he learned to read in kindergarten so we had to be rather proud.

Wes took up speed skating that spring.  That was interesting as most of the speed skating competitions were Sunday mornings at dawn or before. He was having a good time so I did not complain about driving halfway across the state in the wee hours of the morning to get to a meet and then siting in wooden theater type seat for three or four hours. The things you do for your children.

Shortly before school was out for the summer I decided it was time to go back and see Bob.  My optimism had faded as to things getting better. When Bob filed the divorce papers he called me and told me that I needed to tell Dennis by the following Monday morning.  I guess that was the right thing to do, better than when Mother divorced my Dad and just had him locked out of the house. There was just on problem.
That weekend was my birthday on Saturday and Father's Day on Sunday. Classic bad timing.

Happy New Year!

                                                       


Many people will not agree with me but there is something quite magical about snow.  Perhaps my feelings about it come from growing up where you were lucky to see it once a year.  When a snowfall occurred it was time for you to break out the sled waiting for excited children to rescue it from the dark lonely attic.  I grew up thinking a blanket of snow glistening in the morning sun was a national holiday like the 4th of July and every bit as special as my birthday. 

It is too bad we lose a lot of our childhood joys as we grow up. Far too many people get all cranky at the weather forecast of snow on the radar.  Thoughts of getting out and trying to go here or there and of all in inconveniences snow causes throws them into a tailspin.  Not me
even after the eight feet of snow was piled alongside our driveway the first winter we lived in Kansas City or the day twenty-three inches fell in three hours in New Jersey I still loved every little individual flake.

It had not been a wonderful few days skiing UP North after Christmas. Of course the snow was wonderful but as usual Dennis could take the joy factor out of winning a lottery.  In nineteen years you might think I would have some idea that nothing ever brought him happy times but I guess I am the incurable optimistic.  He wasn't happy about what time the kids went to sleep or what time they got up, what they ate or did not eat and the same attitude was inflicted on me.

The thing he was really upset about was the fact that Wes would not wear ski pants but flew down the slopes in his jeans. Yes, the jeans got wet and probably very cold but at fourteen years old Wes only wanted to look cool. My feeling was that if he wanted to freeze to death fine, that was his choice.  Actually it was not the jeans Dennis was upset about.  He simply could not stand it that Wes, in his usual fashion, could ski a hundred times better than he could.  Wes was one of those amazing people who when he wanted to do something he was excellent at it.  He was an excellent swimmer, skater, artist and anything else he put his mind to.  If he didn't want to do something he didn't.  It has always been a mystery to me as to how a father can be jealous of his young son.

Looking out the window on that New Years morning of 1985 and seeing snow gently drifting down from the sky was a blessing.  I don't make New Years resolutions but an awful lot of New Year wishes.  Sometimes my optimistic attitude gets puts to the test as the ski trip did but the newly fallen snow always gave me hope.  It is like the snow covers up all the bad stuff.  How can anyone fell bad when you watch it try to pile on the tiny branches of the newly planted trees or how it gradually makes roofs look someone spread frosting on them.   The New Year looked pretty awesome that morning.

That, of course, did not last too long.  A few good things happened such as Wes getting a job in the snack bar at the roller rink.  He managed to talk himself into it, probably so the owner did not have to listen to him beg for it any more.  Then Dennis had to go to San Francisco to help set up for a new car show and four days later I got to fly out there myself.
I had never been to California so it was rather exciting.  For some reason I can not remember who took care of the boys as none of our Okie relatives were about to come to Michigan in the winter.  My guess is that the other Ford wife, Bryce's mom, did as we actually did not know that many people.

San Francisco was wonderful.. We stayed downtown in a hotel with all the Ford people and you could hear the trolley bells late into the night.
The first morning all the other Ford wives were in their sweet little dresses and heels ready to go sit in the convention hall all day.  I bopped downstairs in my sweater and blue jeans ready to tour the town.
I had decided that it was the perfect day to go see Golden Gate State Park.  Dennis seemed agreeable so I asked the door man to hail me a cab.  He asked where I was going and said it would be much better for me to ride the bus even I would have to change busess at such and such a corner.  Okay...all this when I had not ridden a city bus since I was ten years old.

I did it!  I managed to get to the park all by myself with out any problems and I must say the bus was much more fun than a cab would have been. The bus was filled with people of all nationalities and I wondered where all of them were going and how their day would be.  Walking through the gates of the park I instantly knew my day was going to be fantastic.  The park is beautiful, they had penguins and there were disco roller skaters at every turn you took.  I took a ton of pictures so that I would never forget a moment of the day just wondering the park or starting up a conversation with someone or just sitting on a bench watching other people.

The next day after reading every brochure I could fine I once again appeared downstairs in my jeans and tennis shoes ready to take in China Town and Fisherman's Wharf.  This time the doorman sent me on the Trolley and once again I manged to get to the right place.  The highlight of Fisherman's Wharf was Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory.  Of course I took the tour and not only got free samples but bought enough to make me worry about the jeans not fitting anymore.  China Town was very interesting and so much fun to people watch.

Each night some company would wine and dine all the Ford people .  There was always more food than any human should eat and I had a food hangover each night before we got back to the hotel.  The last day we were there Dennis's sister, Judy came from where she lived in Northern California to see us.  Of course Dennis had to show up at the convention center so Judy and I did the town by driving back and forth across the Golden Gate Bridge a couple of times...can't experience that in one trip.  Then we drove up and down all the hilly streets with the Victorian houses and ended up in Haight Asbury.  That is the place where the bohemian, then the hippie, the new wave and many other
cultures were based as well as the starting point for many musicians and comedians.  What a fascinating place to experience after hearing about it most of my life.

I have written about the San Francisco trip for a couple of reasons.  First I had a wonderful time and as soon as Judy headed back north Dennis was not speaking to me. He was so angry that he was not even speaking to me when we were together with other Ford people. That was highly unusual but I could not even get an answer as to what the problem was.  Hmm, maybe the old saying "silence is golden" might not be all that terrible.

The silence remained for two weeks after we got home.  My score arrived for the graduate record exam and I did not tell him what is was or even that it had arrived. I had slowly learned to keep quiet about happy things like having fun in San Franscisco and ranking in the top one percent of everyone who had taken the test when I did. Not bragging but around my house it was not good to look smart.  With that score I headed over to the University of Michigan and applied to grad school.

One night when Wes was working the snack bar at the skating rink the DJ failed to show up.  There was quite a commotion over what to do until Wes said he could do it.  The owner was dubious but the only choice he had besides Wes at that moment was himself which he did not favor so that is how Wes at the age of fourteen talked himself into a DJ job. I must say he did surprise me at how good he was at doing it from the first record he played.  He had gotten to be friends or knew the names of every kid in the place and in between records he would refer to someone as to how well they were skating or ask what song they wanted to hear next.  Needless to say he was doing a great job and everyone wanted Wes to be there whenever the rink was open.  No need to say that skating became a real source on anger on Dennis's part.

When the letter from the University of Michigan came with my acceptance to grad school and additionally a full fellowship with a stipend for teaching some classes it did not land well with Dennis.  Maybe that was a mild way to put it.  His face got all red and in a very angry voice he told me that there was no way in hell I was going back to school.  I surprised myself and took that news quite calmly not that it was a huge surprise.

The next Tuesday morning at the skating rink I asked a couple of the regulars for the name of a divorce attorney.  I called him the very same day.