Finally!

It is really difficult to explain the real reason why after nineteen year what made me decide to actually seek a lawyer who dealt with divorces.  Actually I should have realized on the honeymoon from hell that I had made a serious error by marrying someone I really did not know.  Maybe I was just too optimistic in thinking things would get better. Maybe I was too embarrassed for people to find out that I was a total flop at everything including being a wife.  It was not an easy moment when I called and made an appointment with an attorney.

It was not easy to get out of the car after arriving at the attorney's office that day.  I could just drive away and be a no show but I didn't.
The slight surprise to begin with was the office and how beautiful it was.  Dennis considered my skating friends, even though he had never met any of them, to be the dirge of the earth.  Maybe I was too naive or watched too much television as I thought lawyers worked in offices with their name on frosted glass windows and desks covered in piles of paper and over flowing ashtrays.  A magazine model type woman was there to greet me surrounded by polished wood, shiny brass name plates and lots of leather.  

As I settled into one of the leather chairs to wait for the attorney she offered me coffee which I declined as at that point I could hardly breathe, much less swallow any coffee.  More fear set in when a very nice looking man in a striking three piece suit came and introduced himself as Bob, my attorney. My vision of a rather dumpy guy in a rumpled suit and crooked tie made me think I might be in the wrong place as dollar signs danced through my head.

For all my apprehension and fear I was amazed at how quickly it disappeared once we started talking.  He asked a lot of questions asked how long we had been married, children, Dennis's job and of course, why was I seeking a divorce.  It isn't easy to explain why I would want a divorce from a man who didn't really drink, run around with other women, was home every night for dinner, no physical violence and provided well for the family.  But with a lot of questions from him I was able to explain the fits of rage over silly things like sitting on his sunglasses on the honeymoon, constantly telling me I was stupid, not liking hardly any people as they were all stupid and on and on.

He asked how long I had thought of leaving and it was hard to admit how many years it had been.  I had fantasized about not making every move we had made in the last eight years but did not think I could support the boys.  There had been daydreams about how easy it would be to simply disappear and leave the boys with him but knew I could not do that.  Then I thought I would just stay until the boys graduated from high school.  The thing I really remember him telling me was that I was actually doing more damage to the boys by staying.  That children understand at an early age that things are not like their friend's parents. That there was never a good time for a divorce and that they were never easy.

It surprised me that we talked for almost two hours.  When I had poured out everything he asked a few more questions about our finances such as did Dennis have any secret bank accounts or off-shore accounts. I almost laughed at that but I guess since Dennis worked for Ford he may have thought he had more money that I did not know about.  In the end he told me I needed to decide and be sure that this was what I wanted to do.  He did not want me to work and show any income and that if I went through with the divorce he would make sure I had money to live on and could support the boys.  He would do some checking and I could call him back when I made a decision be it a week or a month or a year from now and he would represent me.  

Thinking about my discussion with Bob it had answered a lot of questions but this was still a big step. I decided I needed time to think everything over and there was probably that pie-in-the-sky thought that maybe things would get better. There was also the thought of how Wes and Wally would take the divorce and when would be the best time to go through with it.

That spring there was a Detroit Grand Prix in downtown Detroit.  Wally had made friends with a little boy whose Dad had an office in what was called the Renaissance Center. The RecCen, as it was called, was a series of seven interconnected skyscrapers located on the river in downtown Detroit.  Bobby, Wally's friend, invited him to go to his Dad's office high up in the RenCen to watch the race. That sounded nice, actually I would have liked to have been invited to go. What I did not know at the time was that there was a huge party at the office.

Seems like Bobby's Dad had a friend who had a club across the river in Windsor, Canada. Club is a nice way to term it and there was probably a better way to describe it.  He came home that evening and told us how much fun it had been to ride up and down on the very fast elevators. I could see two ten year old boys being fascinated with the elevators.  He did say that on one of the elevator rides there was some guy that was a movie star.  He did not remember his name but I asked if he had sort of light colored hair, very blue eyes and was maybe a little older than his Dad.  It was with a huge amount of envy I realized it was Paul Newman.

I had noticed an article on the society page of the Detroit paper about the party Wally had attended. We were riding in the car with Wes and Wally in the backseat so I decided to ask Wally about the party. I sort of approached it with were there many people at the event. He said it was pretty crowded which is why they rode the elevator. Next question was who were the people at the party. In his sweet little voice he said that Bobby's Dad's friend, Jason had invited at lot of his friends. Were the friends nice and what did they look like.  Oh, yes, he replied.  They all talked to us and they were very pretty girls in T-shirts and shorts. He went on to say that one of them had been in a movie and he thought her name was Linda but couldn't remember her last name. I did not expect fourteen year old Wes to ask if her name was Lovelace....like he was too young to know about things like that. Wally said that was it.

Wes carried on for many miles about how come Wally got to do all the cool stuff. There were probably some bad words thrown in as he berated his brother.  Well, Wally didn't know as all they were to him were pretty girls who were nice to him but the elevator was the most fun. That made me reminiscence of when Wally learned to read in New Jersey. Crossing the bridge to go into Philadelphia there was a plethora of signs advertising gentleman's clubs.  From the backseat we would hear "Peep Show $.25" or "Girls, Girls, Girls".  Needless to say we never told him what the signs meant.  But hey, he learned to read in kindergarten so we had to be rather proud.

Wes took up speed skating that spring.  That was interesting as most of the speed skating competitions were Sunday mornings at dawn or before. He was having a good time so I did not complain about driving halfway across the state in the wee hours of the morning to get to a meet and then siting in wooden theater type seat for three or four hours. The things you do for your children.

Shortly before school was out for the summer I decided it was time to go back and see Bob.  My optimism had faded as to things getting better. When Bob filed the divorce papers he called me and told me that I needed to tell Dennis by the following Monday morning.  I guess that was the right thing to do, better than when Mother divorced my Dad and just had him locked out of the house. There was just on problem.
That weekend was my birthday on Saturday and Father's Day on Sunday. Classic bad timing.