Some stories are much harder to tell than others. This is definitely one of them.
When Bob, my attorney, called on a Friday and told me the divorce papers had been filed and that I had to tell Dennis by Monday that I had filed for divorce I think my heart stopped. Somehow I never thought in this whole process that I would have to break the news to Dennis. Maybe they could just serve him with papers and it would be over. Bob said no. My telling him was the best way and that he would be served with papers on Monday.
If you put a calendar of the entire year on the wall and threw a dart anyplace it landed except that particular weekend would have been better. That Saturday was my thirty ninth birthday and Sunday was Fathers Day. Do I tell him on Friday night and get it over with? No, then he would be home all weekend and I really wanted any conversations about the divorce to occur without the boys sitting there.
I managed to procrastinate all through the weekend. I know we celebrated both holidays and if there had been an acting award I would have certainly won as I managed somehow to act normal when I was actually terrified.
Sunday night came faster than usual or it seemed. The boys went to bed and Dennis was sitting on the couch watching television and I just announced to him that I filed for divorce and he would be getting the papers the next day. I really don't know how I got the words out of my mouth I was so nervous but when I saw the look of total surprise on his face it was like a "gotcha" moment. There had been times that weekend when I actually thought about just cancelling the divorce just as I had spent years knowing I wanted out but couldn't do it. But Dennis's look of total shock suddenly gave me a lot of courage.
His first questions was why? He may have been sorry he asked that as I went through a rather extensive list of how I was tired of being told I was stupid, that he gave me nothing but a hard time when I was going to college, made fun of me in public, never lifted a hand around the house or willingly took care of the boys if I had something to do and we had no friends because he really did not like anyone. I don't think he quite expected my extensive list and denied all of it in very feeble ways.
He asked me when he put me down in public - not something he should have asked. When we lived in Dallas there was a going away party for someone at Ford and I fell asleep at dinner. Everyone wanted to know if I was alright and Dennis said sure she just studies too hard at college. He then said he thought he would have to put his kids through college, not his wife. That evening was the last night of finals and I had been up for forty-eight hours. Plus I paid for my tuition, books, gas and child care from a little business I had. That was the drag racing days when I can remember him going racing and there was not even enough money for me to buy a gallon of milk. There was certainly not enough money for me to buy even a notebook.
Maybe he decided that was not a good subject so he told me I was going to be poor and how did I expect to take care of the boys. Guess he thought I was too stupid to get a job. I told him I would be fine living in a ghetto as long as he wasn't around. Then he said he would fight me for custody of the boys. I actually laughed when he said that.
I asked him how many times he had taken care of the boys, didn't he stay late at work so he did not have to go to Wally's baseball games as Wally's lack of skill embarrassed him, how was he going to take care of them when his job made him travel for weeks at a time, was he going to cook, clean, do homework with them or take off of work when they were sick? If so, that would certainly be a new thing.
The really funny thing that I remember him saying close to the end of our two hour confrontation was that roller skating had to be the reason I was divorcing him. That ever since we moved to Michigan and started roller skating I had been acting different. No, roller skating was the only bright spot in my life since we came to Michigan. I told him all he did was to complain about his job, like when we lived in New Jersey he only wanted to move back to Dallas, he had to buy his little junior executive mansion we really could not afford but yet I was not to go to work as that would not look good. I went on to add that there were hundreds of nice homes on tree lined streets with nice neighbors that would have cost half of what the one he built had cost but we could not buy them because the garage was too small.
About the time I told him the boys probably thought my name was really "G__ D___t, Donna" since he called me that several times a week he gave up. Naturally he did not believe anything I said and that he was a wonderful husband, father and provider. Then he went upstairs and woke up Wes to tell him what I was divorcing him and ruining the family. Not a great thing to do at midnight and there were better ways to tell a child.
He went to bed and I crashed on the sofa. There was no problem with me going to sleep that night. It had been a very stressful weekend and I was exhausted but very glad telling him was over. That part was over but just as I was unprepared finding out I had to tell him I was really unprepared for the next four months. Bob had given me instructions not to move out of the house as that would affect the settlement. Who would have guessed that Dennis would have refused to move out of the house also?
One might assume that that weekend would be the worst and the rest all downhill. Nice thought but things were only getting started.
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