When Barney came outside and said he needed to talk to me after I had sort of forced him to answer a phone call he wanted to ignore I did not have a good feeling. I had been sitting on the steps for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes. My mind had been going through what was a near-death-experience where the last six weeks of our relationship was flashing by trying to give me some idea of what I had done wrong. Why did I think it was something bad instead of his grandmother calling to see how he was or a friend wanting to meet up for dinner?
In the six weeks since we met there had only been two days when I did not talk to him or spend time with him. Nothing was ever said about old boyfriends or girlfriends or that either of us was seeing someone else. The word "love" had not been tossed around between us like people do in their high school years when they love everyone they date.
He didn't even kiss me goodnight until the third date and it was 1965 when nice girl's didn't hop into bed with everyone they dated. So, just where did I stand since I was hopelessly in love with him.
I followed him inside and sat down on the sofa. He pulled up a chair and sat in front of me and took both my hands in his and said he was glad I made him answer the phone. That he had needed to talk to me since our first date but never could come up with a way to start the conversation. Then he told me the story about Sarah.
He and Sarah had been dating steadily since they were sixteen. She went to college in St. Louis and he came to Columbia and he had been going to see her every other weekend for the past two years. Last year she quit school, went to work and decided it was time for him to move to St. Louis and they could get married. He had gone to summer school and loaded up on classes each year so that he could graduate and then go after his MBA before he even thought about getting married. Their weekends had turned into arguments and he realized that they both wanted different things out of life and whatever they had in high school had disappeared. He had taken a few girls out in Columbia but didn't find anyone special until I came along.
At this point I was going to say something but he stopped me and wanted to finish what he needed to tell me. He apologized for lying to me the first weekend when he sent me the flowers and said he had gone home for the weekend but would pick me up on Sunday at 3:00.
He actually had gone to St. Louis to see Sarah and it had been another bad weekend with her. Ever since that first date the only thing he wanted to do was to be with me and that he had worried all the time I was gone for the spring vacation that I would not want to see him when I got back to Columbia. Sarah had been calling and demanding he come to St. Louis but breaking up with her on the phone just did not seem to be the right thing to do. If I agreed he would go on Saturday to talk to her and end their relationship.
Now it was my time to talk although it was difficult to know what to say. First of all I told him that I had thought at times there was something going on with him that he had not told me and maybe that was what made me get him to answer the phone. He did not need my permission to talk to Sarah but that he needed to do what he felt the best about. There is no easy way to end a relationship especially one as long as they had and in a way I felt sorry for her. He seemed surprised at that but I told him that ever since our first date I had had trouble thinking about anything but him and could not imagine being without him. I told him I had never been so at ease with anyone, that I felt like I could talk about anything with him and actually be myself. I asked him if he really thought I would walk away because there had been someone else? He admitted that he had been worried. Luckily by the time we finish talking it was time for me to get to the dorm by curfew. It could have been one of those times that it would have been difficult to stay in the "1965 good girl syndrome".
Monday at 4:00 was my hearing by the Hall Council to decide my punishment for the 23 late minutes a month before. I dashed into the dorm at five minutes before 4:00 from class to find Barney sitting in the dorm lobby. When I asked what he was doing there he said he came to find out what my punishment would be since he was the one who caused the problem. I didn't think I would be kicked out of school but who really knew. When I came out of the hearing smiling he knew it couldn't be bad. After both of us worrying for a month I ended up having to come in one hour early on the next Saturday night. Maybe sometimes worrying does pay off.
The rest of the week was busy. Pam and I decided to room together the next year so we had to go pick out our room in one of the Senior dorms, our on-campus sorority had elections of officers for the next year, I was the director of the Montage television show on Thursday night besides all the usual classes. Barney and I saw each other everyday and on Friday night we went to see the movie The Americanization of Emily. That was a real poor choice since it was about a couple who met, fell in love and then parted. I cried my eyes out which is never a pretty sight.
Poor Barney was at a total loss over the tears especially since he was going to St. Louis the next day. It was hard to convince him I was just crying over the movie....or maybe just needed a good cry.
I was not looking forward to Saturday but it got brighter when I arrived back from morning classes. There were red roses and a card with the magic word neither Barney nor I had spoken.
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