Love Is More Than Just A Word

When Barney came outside and said he needed to talk to me after I had sort of forced him to answer a phone call he wanted to ignore I did not have a good feeling. I had been sitting on the steps for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes.  My mind had been going through what was a near-death-experience where the last six weeks of our relationship was flashing by trying to give me some idea of what I had done wrong. Why did I think it was something bad instead of his grandmother calling to see how he was or a friend wanting to meet up for dinner?

In the six weeks since we met there had only been two days when I did not talk to him or spend time with him.  Nothing was ever said about old boyfriends or girlfriends or that either of us was seeing someone else. The word "love" had not been tossed around between us like people do in their high school years when they love everyone they date.
He didn't even kiss me goodnight until the third date and it was 1965 when nice girl's didn't hop into bed with everyone they dated.  So, just where did I stand since I was hopelessly in love with him.

I followed him inside and sat down on the sofa.  He pulled up a chair and sat in front of me and took both my hands in his and said he was glad I made him answer the phone.  That he had needed to talk to me since our first date but never could come up with a way to start the conversation.  Then he told me the story about Sarah.

He and Sarah had been dating steadily since they were sixteen.  She went to college in St. Louis and he came to Columbia and he had been going to see her every other weekend for the past two years. Last year she quit school, went to work and decided it was time for him to move to St. Louis and they could get married. He had gone to summer school and loaded up on classes each year so that he could graduate and then go after his MBA before he even thought about getting married. Their weekends had turned into arguments and he realized that they both wanted different things out of life and whatever they had in high school had disappeared.  He had taken a few girls out in Columbia but didn't find anyone special until I came along.

At this point I was going to say something but he stopped me and wanted to finish what he needed to tell me.  He apologized for lying to me the first weekend when he sent me the flowers and said he had gone home for the weekend but would pick me up on Sunday at 3:00.  
He actually had gone to St. Louis to see Sarah and it had been another bad weekend with her.  Ever since that first date the only thing he wanted to do was to be with me and that he had worried all the time I was gone for the spring vacation that I would not want to see him when I got back to Columbia. Sarah had been calling and demanding he come to St. Louis but breaking up with her on the phone just did not seem to be the right thing to do.   If I agreed he would go on Saturday to talk to her and end their relationship.

Now it was my time to talk although it was difficult to know what to say.  First of all I told him that I had thought at times there was something going on with him that he had not told me and maybe that was what made me get him to answer the phone.  He did not need my permission to talk to Sarah but that he needed to do what he felt the best about.  There is no easy way to end a relationship especially one as long as they had and in a way I felt sorry for her. He seemed surprised at that but I told him that ever since our first date I had had trouble thinking about anything but him and could not imagine being without him.  I told him I had never been so at ease with anyone, that I felt like I could talk about anything with him and actually be myself.  I asked him if he really thought I would walk away because there had been someone else?  He admitted that he had been worried. Luckily by the time we finish talking it was time for me to get to the dorm by curfew.  It could have been one of those times that it would have been difficult to stay in the "1965 good girl syndrome".

Monday at 4:00 was my hearing by the Hall Council to decide my punishment for the 23 late minutes a month before. I dashed into the dorm at five minutes before 4:00 from class to find Barney sitting in the dorm lobby.  When I asked what he was doing there he said he came to find out what my punishment would be since he was the one who caused the problem. I didn't think I would be kicked out of school but who really knew. When I came out of the hearing smiling he knew it couldn't be bad.  After both of us worrying for a month I ended up having to come in one hour early on the next Saturday night.  Maybe sometimes worrying does pay off.

The rest of the week was busy.  Pam and I decided to room together the next year so we had to go pick out our room in one of the Senior dorms, our on-campus sorority had elections of officers for the next year, I was the director of the Montage television show on Thursday night besides all the usual classes.  Barney and I saw each other everyday and on Friday night we went to see the movie The Americanization of Emily.  That was a real poor choice since it was about a couple who met, fell in love and then parted.  I cried my eyes out which is never a pretty sight. 
Poor Barney was at a total loss over the tears especially since he was going to St. Louis the next day.  It was hard to convince him I was just crying over the movie....or maybe just needed a good cry.

I was not looking forward to Saturday but it got brighter when I arrived back from morning classes.  There were red roses and a card with the magic word neither Barney nor I had spoken.

Muskogee Bound, Ready or Not

Finally arriving home to Muskogee for Spring Break was needless to say a relief after the nine hour bus ride.  It was also nice to have the whole family, Mom, Dad and brother Kenny there to pick me up. For a few moments I even forgot that I didn't get to go to a beach somewhere or some exciting big city.  On the way home most of the conversation centered on the fact that Continental Trailways did not advertise the number of gentlemen being leisurely and drinking from paper bags outside of the bus stations.  Can you picture what an ad like that would have looked like?

I had promised myself that I would be on my best behavior during my week home and not cause any family problems.  I even bounded out of bed at 5:00 AM every morning when Mom came to dust mop my room, helped Kenny fold newspapers for his route before he went to school and joined Mom for a cup of black coffee, which I hated, before she went off to work. By 8:30 everyone was out of the house and I was left without transportation. It was pretty quiet compared to the dorm.

At 9:00 AM the phone rang and the operator said she had a long distance call for Donna from Barney and would I accept. Of course I would and then there was that now familiar "Hey".  He must have known about the bus characters as he wanted to make sure that I had made it home alright. I told him all about the trip especially the story about how Mom had suddenly become concerned over the fact that maybe bus trips were not the thing for her daughter.  We did not talk long due to the long distance charges but it was nice to hear his voice.  


It felt good to throw on a sweat shirt and a pair of jeans after having to get dressed up everyday. Exploring the house, yard and two garages everything was in it's usual immaculate order.  When you have a mother who dust mops the parquet floors every morning and washes the windows every Saturday morning plus a Father who wipes the car off with a chamois every night things tend to be in order. They were certainly an interesting pair.  Even though I can remember Mother telling me one time they were just like all parents the older I got the more I realized that was not the case.

When I made to promise to myself that I would not cause any family problems during my week at home it meant that I would have to be very careful about what I talked about.  Mom did not want to hear about anything concerning my college days except class work and school stuff.  She was not paying money for me to have fun with friends and certainly not to meet boys and go out on dates, not that she said that out loud.  I knew from previous experience that those conversations would throw me into the category of someone not worthy of being spoken to.  

It would have been so neat to be able to tell Mom about all the silly things that my friends and I did or how much fun it was just to have girl friends.  I imagined that some Mothers would have gotten huge laughs out of some of the horrible dates I had been on and would have wanted to know everything about someone special I had met.  Ever since I was fourteen or fifteen every conversation with her had to guarded and I learned it was best just to agree with her on everything and never tell her how you felt about anything.

So I spent the week studying and hanging around with my brother, Kenny. Kenny was two years younger than me and was always the perfect child.  I can't remember Mother ever getting mad at him so I was safe cruising the local hangouts with him at night.  Chet's was the local hot dog stand where most of the high school kids hung out, The Corral was the place for the local hot rodders with the white t-shirts and the longer hair and Russ's was where everyone drove through or parked to watch who was driving through - that was Muskogee on any given night.  Kenny had been building cars since he was twelve so he knew every hot rodder in town as we rode around in his 55' Chevy. Our back garage was usually filled with guys wanting car parts or advice so Kenny and friends were my only source of fun while I was home.

Dad had me take him to work on Friday so I could have his car to check on my summer job.  It was fun to go out to Meadowbrook County Club and see Bob, my boss.  I had been the lifeguard at the pool the summer before and he wanted me to come back the next year.  He was glad to see me and hear I would be back.  We had become friends the previous summer and he caught me up on all the gossip since it seemed like I was always the only person he had to talk to.  People are fascinating.

By the end of the weekend I was ready to go back to Columbia.  I had gotten to spend time with my older brother, Paul, wife Joan and my darling little nephew, Don.  Mom had asked if I wanted to go to Tulsa and shop for clothes which I declined saying that I did not need any.  
Now what girl turns down a chance to shop?  That was easy for me since I really didn't want to spend that time in the car with her fearing I would say the wrong thing plus in my eighteen years of shopping with her I never got to purchase what I wanted.

Monday everyone went back to work and school so I had the house to myself again.  Barney called at 9:00 AM as usual.  We had talked on the phone everyday and I had called him a couple of times after Mom and Dad went to bed.  He told me he had gone out to Stephens Lake on Sunday to read a book but had trouble reading because he missed me being there with him.  How come this guy keeps surprising me with statements like that?  This isn't the movies which is the only place guys say things like that.  I finally admitted to him that the days had really dragged by and I thought about him all the time.  He laughed and said good, that he was afraid I would be having too much fun to even think about him.

Well, that conversation made the day go by at a snails pace.  Mother came home with new travel plans for me to get back to school. If I flew from Tulsa to Kansas City it would be $42.00 plus I would still need to ride a bus the seventy miles to Columbia. ( Could not suggest that Barney would have come to Kansas City to get me.) So the plan was for me to fly from Tulsa to Columbia on Ozark Airlines and it would only cost $12.60 and I could get a cab from the airport to Stephens. That sounded like an excellent plan as I did not really want to go through another nine hour bus trip.

Cathie called on Tuesday and said she was ready to get back to school.  None of her friends in Midland were on Spring Break either so she had been hanging out at home too.  Maybe my family was not the only one that was difficult to deal with or maybe we were just beginning to enjoy being more on our own.

Kenny skipped school and took me to Tulsa on Wednesday to fly back to Columbia.  I think my Dad was almost in tears when Kenny and I stopped by the drugstore to say goodbye.  He gave me some money to buy clothes in Columbia since he knew why I did not want to go to Tulsa with Mom.  I know he missed having me around more than anyone.

For some reason I never got on an airplane and sat next to a normal type person.  If there was a character of some type on the plane - that is who sat next to me.  This time I got to sit next to a German Shepard.
There was a blind woman and her little girl across the aisle that needed to sit together so I got the dog.  He wasn't much for conversation but at least I got the window seat.  The airport in Columbia was pretty small and as we came in for a landing I could see the Barneymobile in the parking lot.  I wanted to kiss Rin Tin Tin goodbye and tell him how happy I was to be back but I didn't think he would understand.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ He seemed to know more about the bus characters than I did and was concerned.  He had no plans for the week except to hang out and get some studying done.  

Learning New Things About Someone

I am not very good at asking questions.  Maybe that is something I learned growing up as the usual answer I got was "no" when I asked to go somewhere or do something.  Barney had asked me to study together on a Sunday afternoon and it had never dawned on me to ask where was the studying going to take place.  Of course I had said great but were we going to a library or the lake as it made a difference in what I was going to take to study. I also had not ever asked if he lived in a dorm, a house or an apartment.

He arrived at 1:00 to find me sitting outside the dorm armed with a variety of assignments I had to get done by Tuesday.  When we got in his car he said that I had already broken two of the three cardinal rules of Stephens by drinking and being out of the county at night, how did I feel about breaking the third rule?  What the heck, I might as well go for three out of three.   There was some apprehension in going off to his living quarters, as Stephens called them, since I had only known him for a week and a half.  

As we drove across town he told me he had lived in the dorm his first year at Mizzou and didn't like it very much. He looked for an apartment but found that they were expensive and noisy with all the other college students.  So he bought a house trailer from a graduating student.  That way he had his own place to live and study plus selling it when he graduated would pay for his living expenses.   Maybe only 4.0 Eagle Scout students think of things like that.

I have to admit that was the first house trailer I had ever been in and it was pretty neat.  As he showed me around I noticed lots of books, no television, no pictures of past girl friends and yes, I did look in the refrigerator to see that he did not cook much.  There was also no dust on the baseboards so he got an A for housekeeping. I think he got a big kick out of it when I only peeked at the bedroom for a second and then dashed back to the living area.  While laughing he acted liked he had just suddenly remembered that he had invited me over to study.  Then it was down to the business of studying.

He had a paper to type and I had some set drawings to do for the television class or a book to read for Masterpieces of World Literature. I chose not to read the book since it was Wuthering Heights and I knew I would be a crying mess reading it.  So I got the kitchen table for the big drawings and he put his typewriter on the coffee table.  The paper he was typing was on Economics and all he had to work from was a one page neatly typed outline, the kind every English teacher tries to teach students to do.  I must say I was quite impressed with the speed of the typewriter keys. Scratch the thought of ever getting into a typing contest with him.

I guess we worked about a couple of hours with a little conversation every once in awhile when all of a sudden while the typing was going on I heard him singing "Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain and the waving wheat can sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain."  I literally cracked up.  He smiled and went right on typing.  It took me awhile to come back at him when I suddenly remembered that he was from Kansas City.  That was easy so I sang "Goinin' to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come.  They got some pretty little  girls there and you'd better not get one."  That got him and he even had to stop typing because of laughter.  He told me that was not actually the words and I told him my words were better than the original ones.

In a couple of more hours he had a twenty page essay done complete with footnotes and no typing errors  and I had two set drawings done for a show similar to the Today show.  His friends, Mike and Christine, that had gone to Jefferson City with us came by and asked if we wanted to meet them for dinner in town.  Even though Mike kept referring to me as Cinderella I thought it would be fun especially since I was starving.

After dinner Barney, even though it was getting to be time for me to check in the dorm, he drove out by the football field and parked.  Barney laughed and said he didn't like to tell lies and by parking at the stadium some of his story to keep me out of trouble was now true.  Then he went on to say that he had seen me around Columbia several times during the year and I was always laughing and looked like I was having fun.  That was why he decided to ask me out and that I was the first thing he thought about every morning and the last thing at night.  
I was speechless as he gave me a quick kiss, started the car and told me he had to get me home before I turned into a pumpkin.  As I snuggled up against him I told him that I would not turn into a pumpkin his car would. Not only did he need to study up on fairy tales he need to drive better while laughing.

It was only two days until we were out of school for Spring Break and both days were incredibly busy for me with classes and sorority stuff.  
Barney had class on Monday night so we managed to meet for lunch each day.  It seemed like everyone was flying out on Wednesday to some place fun, Pam to New York City to visit with some of her Dad's family and Sally would be off to spend the week on the beach in Panama City, Florida.  Several girls were going to Hawaii with a girl from there.  Guess my parents had watched enough Beach Party movies to rationalize that I just needed to come home for the week.

                           No chance I could be like Gidget this year

My parents decided that it was too expensive for me to fly home and then have to be picked up in Tulsa so I got to make the 350 mile trip via Continental Trailways.  Barney took me to the bus station along with my suitcase packed with books thus time instead of too many clothes. He promised to call and pick me up the following week. He did not seem any happier to see me leave than I was in going.  The nine hour bus ride stopped being interesting by the time we got to Joplin.  I know the bus stopped at every town with a population of more than fifty people.  The parents were not too pleased that the bus arrived at 11:30 PM which was way past their bedtime.  I think the man who was drinking something out of a paper bag by the door of the bus station may have given her second thoughts about further bus ride trips for me.


Maybe Spring Break starting off a little bad would make the rest of the week better. One can hope.

Bad Days Can Become Good Ones

Did you ever wake up in the morning with a warm glow and snuggle into your pillow remembering how much fun you had the night before?  
For awhile all your thoughts are filled with the dinner, dancing and that first kiss from someone you are beginning to really care about.  Then bam - you realize that everything is a blur after that kiss and you had to ring the doorbell for the dorm mother to let you in.  What was the story your date told the dorm mother for why you were 23 minutes late?  Panic sets in as you wonder if you are going to be expelled from school.

Maybe having to go to Psychology and English class that Saturday morning was a good thing. At least in class there were moments I could listen and not think about an impending disaster.  Walking back to the dorm after class I would tell myself I would call Barney so he could answer some questions then tell myself no, nice girls didn't call boys even in life or death matters.  There was the thought that I would never hear from him again.  It was difficult to even put one foot in front of the other.

Arriving back at the dorm I was met by Mrs. Wells holding flowers.  She was smiling which was a good sign.  She said she imagined the flowers were from my nice young man and that she had signed me in as 23 minutes late.  At some time in the future I would have to go before the dorm council for disciplinary action for my being late.  So I took that as a sign I did not have to go upstairs and pack my suitcases. 

The flowers were 23 yellow daisies with a card that said "Sorry".  How did he know daisies were my favorite?  As I am smiling at the flowers hoping that the "Sorry" meant just that and not "Sorry" I don't want to see you again the phone rang in the hall.  Since everyone else was still in class or off eating lunch I answered it.  Interesting how when I answered the phone and a voice said "Hey - how are you" in a concerned manner and I knew it was him.  The only other question was what was I doing.  Actually I was starving since breakfast would have not gone down well earlier but I just answered that I had just gotten back from class and thanked him for the flowers.  He said he would pick me up in ten minutes.  Yippee!

The best course of action was to meet him in front of the dorm to avoid running into Mrs. Wells again until I knew what story he had whipped up for my being late.  There are a lot of little moments we forget as the years go by but I have never forgotten watching him walk up the sidewalk to meet me.  I think I knew then that being with him felt different and special.  He asked if I was hungry which I was thankful for.  Off we went in that car of his, this time at a reasonable speed, headed for Stephens Lake.  Interesting as there was no food at the lake.

When we got to the lake he opened the truck and pulled out a picnic lunch.  It did not matter that it was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, store bought cookies and lemonade.  It was just unbelievably cute of him.  We spent the afternoon talking and laughing.  He was as worried about my being late as I was.  The story he came up with was that we parked out by the football stadium, a good mile or more from the dorm, and the car would not start.  We had to walk back to the dorm which took us a long time.  Somehow I found that to be an exceptionally funny story since he had never kissed me until we arrived back at the dorm that night.  Funny also because even though what ever people do in parked cars was not a forbidden thing at Stephens it was certainly not one girls confessed to.  I told him I wasn't sure a ruined reputation was better than being kicked out of school. 

I had to get back to the dorm by 6:00 as I had made plans with Pam to have dinner and see a movie since he had not filled in my dance card for that night.  He seemed disappointed and I have to admit I was too.  With Spring Break starting the next Wednesday we both had lots of class assignments to get done so he suggested we study together the next day.  Sounded good to me.

The evening with Pam was fun as all the times with her were.  I have to admit that when we met the first day at Stephens I was a little in awe and felt a lot like the country bumpkin as she had grown up in the L.A. area.  She was poised, confident and intelligent but to know her is to love her as she is as good of a person as you can find.  She did her best to keep the rest of us out of trouble and was always there to talk, or help and always the first to laugh at some of the silly antics that went on.

Saturday nights in the dorm were always hilarious.  Cathie would come in from a date with one wild story after the other be it flying all over town on the back of a motorcycle or how she ditched some guy who wouldn't leave her alone.  Erin never had anything good to say about dates she had which is interesting as I think she went out with everyone in Columbia and finally had to resort to soldiers from Fort Leonard Wood.  Sally never had a serious thought in her head and Woodie was totally lost in a fog.  Laughter was the best way to end a day.

I Should Have Known Inquiring Minds Had To Know

                                 The Date Approval Council plus Cathie's Marty Mo

Going in the dorm after the first date with Barney I was met by Mrs. Wells, the dorm mother.  Thinking it was something I had done wrong I was surprised when she had a discussion with me about what a charming young man Barney was. It never ceased to amaze me how closely she watched all of us.  That had it's good and bad points.

Arrival back to my room brought on all the questions I could not answer before the date.  There were a lot of inquiring minds especially as they were hanging out the window as we walked away from the dorm.  Yes, he was very nice, a junior/senior at Mizzou carrying twenty-two hours working on a business degree, he was from Kansas City and we had another date the next day. 

Actually I was glad when all the girls went to bed and stopped asking questions.  Needless to say I was a little behind in the homework department since the weekend had not been very productive for studying.  Trying to do it that evening was just about as difficult.  One of those times when the brain goes on a rewind of the afternoon.  Anyone remember the times when one moment you have a sort of warm and fuzzy feeling that this was someone really special - the next moment you just know he will never show up again? Did I really tell him I would show up in a ballerina tutu?  Is my crazy room mate really rubbing off on me that badly?

Monday morning came too fast to get all the classwork done and I was really wondering why I had agreed to a date with Barney that afternoon. There was a book I had to read by Wednesday and a lot of extra TV and radio studio time I needed to put in.  Since I had not bothered to ask for his phone number I was stuck but somehow I doubt that I would have cancelled the date.  Cancelling would have been the logical thing to do and there were not a lot of logical thoughts floating through the brain.

                                        Sally and Cathie

I got back to the dorm a little after 3:00 and ran upstairs to drop off books.  Cathie and Sally had borrowed a skateboard from the only girl on our floor that had one and headed downstairs. For those of you who did not know there were skateboards back in the 50's and 60's, there were.  They were a lot different than later models in that they were only about eighteen inches long and six or seven inches wide with small metal or wooden wheels. It was more difficult to place feet on them and the wheels did not roll over bumps in the sidewalk very well.  By the time I got downstairs Sally and Cathie had introduced themselves to Barney who was early as usual.  It began to look like a set up deal for them to meet him.

It was very easy to lose control of any situation when Cathie was involved and adding Sally in made it truly difficult.  Whatever the plans had been for the afternoon were suddenly changed by my two wacky friends. The four of us ended up skateboarding all over the campus.  Well, let's say attempting to skateboard.  It had to be quite a sight.  Sally was balance challenged and could trip over anything. She spent most of the time in some hilarious position before crashing to the ground.  I managed to do pretty well but Cathie was the champ. She would go as fast as she could waving her arms and singing. When she crashed it was pretty spectacular as all three of us ran after her in laughter.

Poor Barney could not even get his big feet on the tiny skateboard.  As a last resort Cathie got him to try to just stand on one foot which was a total disaster.  Don't think he wanted to try the art of skateboarding after one crash that resulted in a definite limp for the rest of the afternoon.  That was when he suggested we go have pizza so he wasn't forced to try any more new tricks.  

It was difficult to actually eat pizza for all the laughter.  Between Cathie and Sally who always brought out all the silliest in me it was a good thing we were not asked to leave the restaurant. I had a class that evening so Barney and I walked back to the dorm.  He wanted to know if all my friends were crazy and I answered that they actually pretty much were.  It was like one of those questions that made you wonder if he really wanted to hang out with a group of idiots especially when the conversation turned to the amount of studying we both had to do.  The fear crept over me that the next thing coming was perhaps he was to busy to see me.

Arriving back at the dorm he said that he could not remember laughing so hard and that he knew he would never know what to expect next from me.  There was a moment when it felt like the big brush off was coming as he talked about how much studying he had to do but then he asked me to make out my schedule of classes for him and meet him for lunch the next day. That had to be a positive thing or he just wanted to know when to hide in Columbia so he didn't run into me or my nutty friends.

Later that night after class Cathie gave her approval of Barney but said I had better work on teaching him how to play.  For the first time in three days I was able to open a book and remember what I had just read.  Back to studying since we had a special guest coming the next week for the dedication of the new performance learning center which meant more hours in the TV studio plus it was nearing the end of the third semester.

It was interesting that Cathie came to the conclusion that Barney did not know how to play. She was the absolute queen of playtime so I figured she should know.  Can I really teach a twenty year old, 4.0 Eagle Scout how to play?

Probably.

Cathie

                                                                 

Interesting Second Semester

The second semester at Stephens brought about a lot of changes in class schedules for the better.  As a Television, Radio and Film major there were no more watching silent movies and a camera was thrust in my hands to make a twenty minute movie by the end of the semester. The Performance class had taught me how not to make the word dance pronounced with two syllables (Okie talk) and we were turned loose in the radio station. Best of all was no more drawing of sets and learning about cameras, directing and sound boards.  Time to get behind the cameras and do some television shows.

The 1964/65 school year was the opening of the new James Madison Wood Quadrangle.  This series of buildings brought together a variety of group and individual instructional requirements with the maximum use of visual and audio materials.  This was the location of the Helis Communication Center and the Patricia Barry Television Studio. These studios broad casted the College's audio and visual educational programming for the entire campus with state of the art equipment.

For the College to have a fully equipped television station sounds really silly with the technology we have today but back then it was astounding. A little history - in 1965 only 3.1% of all televisions were color sets and FM radio was not popular until the late 1950's.  For the College to have a studio with two color cameras and an FM radio station was cutting edge for that time.  Students produced a weekly television show each week with college news and entertainment plus the radio station was on the air each Saturday.  The "hands-on" experience with only about twenty or thirty girls in the department kept us all busy.

My thought about taking roller skating for physical education did not work out exactly as I had planned.  Did I actually think that bringing my own skates to school with the pink and white fur pom poms attached to the toes would make me look like I had never skated before?  The instructor looked at me the first day of class as I laced up my skates.  
The hard part was trying to stumble around like I had never had skates on before like the rest of the class. 

Back To The Fun Place

January 3, 1965 could not come fast enough after being home for Christmas vacation from college.  It was not what I had imagined it would be although, in my usual manner, I made the best of it.  Perhaps it was great training for the years ahead.

Since Mother was still in the hospital after some minor surgery Dad was responsible for getting me to the airport in Tulsa fifty miles away.  This was troubling for me as my very intelligent Dad was totally directionally impaired.  He was a man who could quote any chemical formula in an instant or tell you what high school football player would do great in college. (This is why he was pretty good at betting on college football games). But he could not find his way out of a paper bag. To make sure he got back to Muskogee my little brother skipped school and went along with us.

Checking in at the airport once again meant Dad had to pay the overweight charge on the luggage.  Not only did I have all the clothes I arrived home with but all the clothes I got for Christmas.  On the subject of clothes - Mother and I had completely different taste in apparel from the day I was old enough to realize people wore clothes. For Christmas I got the usual array of frilly items of some weird silky fabric.  They were clothes she would look like a million bucks in but that I felt like I had a clown costume on.  Oh well, I was sure someone in the dorm would put them to good use.

There was no room in the suitcases for my roller skates.  They would have added an extra five pounds to the luggage so I just tied the strings together and slung them over my shoulder.  If you are wondering why I had to take my roller skates to college it was pretty simple.  Physical education at Stephens consisted of things like golf, which I did poorly at, bowling, horseback riding, boating and canoeing, archery and many others, one of which was roller skating.  Something told me I could take roller skating, act like I could not skate at first and then get pretty good.  Sounded like an easy "A".  We will find out later how that worked out but maybe having my own skates was not such a good idea.

January at Stephens meant the first two weeks were to catch up on all the class work you didn't get done for the semester.  I can remember re-writing a paper on comparing Hawthorne's Heroines several times to pass American literature. To this day I would have a hard time writing that paper because "who cares!"  Then the last two weeks were Dead Week and finals.  I think all eight of us on the end the hall of the dorm were actually good students so it was pretty easy to get studying done. There were a couple of exceptions to serious study.

At Stephens, since we were all supposed to be proper ladies, there was room inspection every Friday.  The house Mother in the black dress and sturdy shoes would come by and check to make sure the room was neat and tidy and that there was no food in the room.  She always put a note on the door with a ranking on how the room looked.  Of course Cathie and I always got a Superior as I made sure the room was perfect before going to class on Friday.  One Friday during Dead Week Cathie yells at me about being so tidy. Guess we thought it would be fun to shred the room for inspection. Actually it was fun and when we arrived home there was a Poor rating stuck to the door.  Success.

The joy of being successful with a poor rating was short lived.   I got called down to the dorm Mother's office for a chat. Now you have to remember that she thought Cathie was a terrible influence on me and always inquired if I wanted to switch room mates. She didn't buy my story that we had overslept and just didn't have time to straighten the room up.  Guess the mattresses half off of the beds, the food wrappers on the floor and all the drawers hanging open with clothes spilling out didn't seem logical.  She thought Cathie had done all that after I had left for class. That seemed to be a pretty good explanation so I played like it was all Cathie's fault.  She felt sorry for me having to live with such a terrible person but I declined changing room mates because I felt it was my duty to help Cathie be a better person.  Gold star for me,
black one for Cathie. That was one of my better schemes to get us out of trouble.

Cathie the Innocent

Made through finals in good shape, parents were pleased. Second semester proved to be very interesting.  Looking at all my notes on the calendar classes and the sorority got much busier and I don't have many notes on dating.  Maybe the mysterious Mike person made me swear off of dating. Hard as Pam tried nothing could keep Cathie and I out of trouble.

Funny How We Learn Some Lessons

                                                              Stephens in the Snow

The interesting thing about Stephens College was that they really encouraged all students to investigate areas of interest in the first two years.  They did not bog students down with all those required classes that everyone hates.  The only ones they required were Physical Education, an English course and one called Ideas in Living Today. They encouraged venturing out and trying new things.

Sounded good to me so when the first snow fell sometime around Thanksgiving I jumped at the chance to go rabbit hunting with a boy I had been going out with. First of all, I love snow.  Growing up in Muskogee, Oklahoma we rarely ever had any but Columbia had lots of it.  The thought of tramping through the snow in the woods close to town was rather exciting. Pam said recently in an email that she remembered the snow in Columbia but I got the idea that living in LA she hasn't seen any since.

                                    The Sidewalk to My Dorm

The next thing to note is that my only experience with a gun was when I was seven years old.  My brother had a BB gun that you had to cock before you fired it.  Well, the first time I tried that I got part of the palm of my hand caught in the stupid thing and had to have seven stitches. At least I didn't shoot my eye out.  My parents never owned a gun except one Christmas my Mother bought my Dad a shotgun thinking he would like to hunt. At age eleven even I knew my Dad was not going to go walking through the woods in his suit, tie and hat for any reason. Don't know what ever happened to the shotgun that never came out of the box.

I cannot remember the boys name so I could not have been too interested in him but I do remember he had a car which was a very big deal.  Off we went to someplace out by Stephens lake.  He should have had somewhat of a clue when I did not know how to hold the rifle. After a few instructions on where the trigger was, how to load and aim the thing we went on search of rabbits. I was very happy just walking through the snow and the thought that I was expected to slay a rabbit never entered my little blonde head.

All of a sudden a rabbit popped up in the snow right in front of us.  That was right after he had scolded me about not talking so much or making so much noise.  Guessed it was like fishing (I had gone fishing a couple of times) so you did not scare the creatures away. Actually I did not see a rabbit.  I saw Thumper and as the boy whispered to me to take aim, Thumper and I made eye contact.  At that point I yelled, "You have got to be kidding!" He took the rifle out of my hand and headed for the car. It was a long, silent trip back to the dorm.  Needless to say I never saw him again.

That one hunting experience taught me that I would never be able to look at an animal without seeing Thumper or Bugs Bunny or Bambi or Bambi's parents.  Fishing became impossible for me when I could not equate their gasping for breath as the compassionate thing to do. I have no problem with other people owning guns and hunting or fishing. But that one beautiful snow covered day taught me something that has stayed with me the rest of my life.

Most of trying of new things worked out better than the hunting episode.  Pam, who lived in the room next door, wanted to go to Temple and explore her Father's religion.  She did not want to go alone so on Friday nights I went with her. I only knew one Jewish boy growing up and he was the one who broke the date to the Prom with me.  Always being curious about different religions I learned a lot about it and gained a lot of respect for the religion and the people.  Pam and I even took Hebrew lessons each week from the Rabbi. It is funny how much Hebrew I actually remember after all these years.

Christmas was the first time we were allowed to go home.  While I looked forward to it there was some apprehension.  All my classes were going well except for one "C" in golf which is a long story.  I knew I had changed a lot in my attitudes about things and wondered how being at home would feel like. It turned out to be very interesting.

Life With Cathie

Cathie

The lessons learned in college are so much more than what you learn in classes and from books.  It is almost like the day you arrive on campus the door at home closed behind you and suddenly you are on your own. How well you succeed academically, the people you meet and the choices you make are now up to you.  There is suddenly no one around to tell you what to do or who you can or cannot be friends with.  Lots of freedom all of a sudden but also lots of responsibility not to make a mess of it.

Then there was Cathie.   It was a rocky start between us from the moment she walked into our room on the day we all arrived on campus.
Naturally she was a couple of hours late getting to the room when we all arrived on campus at the same time.  She always laughed about my mouth dropping open when she walked in and said that I must be her roomie. Besides the big blue eyes, the perfect figure and the blonde hair she was like a magnet and just made people want to be around her.  My best guess was that she was late because she had met half the people in Columbia on her way to the dorm. Our dorm room became the hangout for every girl she met on campus.

 I was totally unprepared to deal with someone who from outwardly appearances did not have a care in the world, never met a stranger or someone she did not like or someone that did not her.  She could pick up a dress off of her closet floor and look like she stepped out of a magazine.  She changed my name on the little sign on our door from Donna to Dee.  In Cat's world the sky was the limit, there was not a rule that could not be broken or anything you could not do.  I had officially entered an alternate universe whether I wanted to or not.

Actually it did not take long to get over my differences with her.  Within two weeks I had blonde hair again.  My neat little stacks of folded clothes disappeared and we were partaking the free beer for Stephens Susies' at the local clubs on Sunday afternoons.  If she thought I was miffed at her about something she would wait until I went to bed and then sit on my bed with that huge teddy bear she slept with and tell stories until we were both laughing. There would be many nights in that year when we stayed up most of the night laughing not because I was mad at her but from the stories each had to tell about some of our daily adventures.

Cat had an incredible knack of getting herself out of situations that could have been really bad.  One night we had accepted dates with two very handsome boys to a party at a house. It was fun for a couple of hours but then it got a little too serious for both of us. We excused ourselves to the bathroom and after a little discussion decided it was best to leave... via the bathroom window. We laughed all the way back to the dorm about the locked bathroom door we had left behind.  Then there was the time she had a date with a guy on a motorcycle.  We could not wear slacks so she rolled the legs of her pants up under her skirt.  Somehow she lost her skirt so she had me throw her a skirt from our fourth floor window so she could get in the dorm in PROPER attire.

There was an all black night club a little ways out of Columbia. Definitely off limits since it was not in the city limits but they had really great performers do shows there.  Could we really miss seeing Jerry Lee Lewis?  It didn't take long to decide it was the chance of a lifetime so....
we hitchhiked out to the club. It was quite noticeable that we were the only two blonde haired, blue eyed white girls in the place. I actually think the crowd was more afraid of us than we were of them.  It was Jerry Lee in his leopard suit, jump on the piano days and great fun. We went back weeks later and saw Ike and Tina Turner. Hitchhiking in those days was fun and Cat had a way of staying out of bad situations that was amazing. If questioned about where we went to school we always said the University of Missouri since those girls did not have strict rules that Stephens did.

There was one evening that we actually did not break any school rules.
One of our friends from Westminster College had gotten hurt playing football with friends and got kicked in the spleen.  He was brought to Columbia to have his spleen removed and called to say he was wanted company after surgery. What our friends for but to visit ailing people in the hospital.  Cat and I walked to the hospital to find Buddy was starving to death.  What he needed was a pizza.  So we got him dressed and sneaked him out of the hospital and off to get a pizza. Luckily we got him back by the end of visiting hours and he did not get caught.  Wonder if he remembers that evening?

Cat kept a diary so each evening before bed we both wrote the stories of the day.  I wish I had mine now as I can imagine there is a lot I don't remember but there was also a lot that perhaps I never wanted my mother to see. Cat's dad was the President of a bank and I have often wondered if he taught her to write in her check book in black ink when there was money in the account but change to red ink when she was overdrawn. Sounded like a good idea to me because when both Dad's called to let us know we were overdrawn we knew exactly how much we needed for them to deposit. Can't say that it didn't take me years to get over that little practice.

As much as it may sound that we went completely wild those first few weeks at Stephens College it was really not the case.  I have to really thank Stephens in how strict the rules were and how busy they kept us.
I had a Monday night class, sorority meetings on Tuesday night, mandatory Vespers on Wednesday night, an 8:00 am class on Saturday morning and curfew hours. Cat and I both were good students and there was plenty of hours spent hitting the books. Values learned at home were not completely thrown aside.

There are still a few more stories to tell about that year, the important lessons learned and the lifelong friends made. It is interesting to really go back and concentrate on remembering all that went on that year.  
Rather amazing how one school year can affect the rest of your life.



















                                                                       

The Cast of Characters

After sending out the story last week I got and email from Pam.  She wondered what I meant in my list of questions when I wondered what we all would have done without her in our little group.  Also how it was amazing how we all thought the other person was so outgoing and we wanted to be like them.  

To say the least the eight of us were a very diverse group of eight girls. Without telling too much about the years in between 1964/65 and now I will say that Pam, Cathie and I managed to stay friends all these years.  Cathie and I found Erin in the eighties and just in the last year we added Sally. The whereabouts of Paula, Mary and Woodie are unknown but they still may pop up one of these days. 

Before I tell all the silly stories of the year at Stephens I need to give a brief description of the eight of us that were thrown together.  These are my observations looking back fifty years with some insight as to how at least five of us turned out as adults.  On the whole it is a lesson that people really don't change much even with life's challenges.

I will start with Mary and Erin who were Cathie and my suite mates which means we had a connecting bathroom.  Mary was actually rather quiet, very pretty and at times very dramatic. Do I remember her saying several times she wanted to kill herself? I can't remember why or how we talked her out of it but maybe she was just lost in the dynamics of the group and it was a good way to get attention.  It could also have been living with Erin. 

The best way to describe Erin was that she was a mess. I must say that I loved her clothes and lucky for me we were the same size. She had the world's largest collection of plaid pleated shirts, matching sweaters and knee socks. She took her shirts to the cleaners and had triple starch put in them so you could wear them for days and they never wrinkled.
She was very smart with a dry sense of humor that made us roll on the floor in laughter.  It seemed like she had a date every night and Cathie accused her often of dating the entire army based at Fort Leonard Wood
She would just laugh and go on.  It was amazing to see her twenty-five years later and hear about her life. She still had the triple starched shirts and knee socks.

Paula, in front, Erin and Mary, in back

Woodie and Sally were two who had their differences and living together was a challenge - a funny one to all of us - but still a challenge.
Best way to describe Woodie is to say I have never in my life met someone so naive.   She had these huge puppy dog eyes that sort of said to everyone that she did not have a clue as to what was going on. When I think about it now I think she was just overwhelmed by the rest of us.  If left on her own she would have been very quiet and maybe a loner but there was no way she could do that especially living with Sally. I have to give her a lot of credit for hanging in there and being an integral part of the group.

Woodie and Cathie

When I think of Sally the only thing I can think of is laughter.  Sally was from Montgomery, Alabama and had the biggest southern accent I had ever heard.  There were very few days that went by that she did not say or do something that was totally stupid and funny.  I have pictures of the night she decided everyone should stuff pillows under our clothes to see what we would look like being pregnant. How did Sally break her nose? As I remember she was breaking a couple of those "get expelled" rules by being at a party in a motel drinking bathtub purple passion.  
Guess they also had beer since she was jumping on the bed trying to stick beer cans in the popcorn ceiling when she fell. I will have to ask her if that is the correct story.  Pam said when I found Sally that she always imagined her growing up to be a true southern belle with beautiful clothes, gloves and drinking tea each afternoon.  What did I say about us not changing much?

Sally

Next to Pam and Paula. Both from the Los Angeles area but as different as night and day except when it came to academics where they both excelled. Paula was a dancer and gone a lot for practises.  Of all of the eight of us she was the quietest and the only one who did not pledge a one of the local campus sororities.  Also beautiful and very poised.

Pam wondered about my statement of what would we have all done without her in the last story.  My first opinion of her was how sophisticated and worldly she was compared to little bumpkin me from Muskogee. Funny that I actually thought she would not like me and here we have been friends for fifty-one years. Pam traveled a lot and really hated flying and the rest of us were always amazed how she took all her clothes in a carry on bag.  In the group she was the voice of reason, the one who took care of everyone else through thick and thin and never showed her disapproval when one of us did something stupid. I do not know if she ever broke a rule at Stephens but maybe now she might tell me.

Pam

There is no way to describe Cathie in a paragraph.  She was one of a kind and I feel very lucky to have had her for a roomie.  Cathie was one of those people that everyone loved except parents who looked at her as a terrible influence. She in turn, never met anyone she didn't like and found good in everyone.  There have been many times in my life when some situation would come up and I would actually ask myself "what would Cathie do?". The next few stories will begin to give you a look at how living with Cathie didn't change me but gave me the ability to be a lot more carefree and daring than I had been before.

So there is the cast of characters.  Set these people in a town of 35,000 residents and 16,000 college students.  This was an era when "nice" girls did not do a lot of things or admit to it. This was before student protests and the Feminist movement but during the race riots and the early stages of the Vietnam War.  Sitting in the middle of Missouri with no television or computers or cell phones life was simple and a heck of a lot of fun.