Not the Clever's

I have always thought how lucky I have been to have grown up in what is called the Baby Boomer generation.  Other age groups will argue that theirs was better but growing up with the music of the Beatles, Elvis and Chuck Berry gave us music to dance by and dance we did.  Boys learned how to fix up older cars if they could not afford the advent of 
Mustangs or Corvettes and drag racing was in it's infancy. The teen movies like Gidget, the Beach Party shows and others instilled the idea that boy meets girl, trouble happens and a breakup occurs but love prevails in the end.  

There was a great deal of innocence and an optimistic attitude that every thing was going to work out great regardless of what happened. 
I woke up every morning confident that it was going to be a wonderful day.  But life is not the movies and all families were not like Beaver Cleaver's.

After dinner the evening Barney went back to Columbia Mother said she wanted to talk to me.  We sat at the kitchen table in a fashion similar to a scene from Dragnet where the interrogation takes place.  This had happened before so I prepared myself for what was to come. I could have never actually prepared myself for that conversation.

Mother

She wanted to know, of course, what Barney's father did for a living and how a college student drives a new Corvette.  Sorry Mom, I didn't have an answer except that his father had passed away when he was an infant and there was a stepfather he didn't talk about very much. Why would I ask him where he got his money when I had been taught never to ask those questions?  What I did tell her was that he was a good student with a 4.0 average, had been an Eagle Scout (not mentioning that she had wanted Paul to be one) and that he wanted to go to Northwestern and get his MBA.  That should impress any parent, right?

Wrong.  Well, on second thought I guessed she was impressed since her next question was just what did he see in me?  Ever have that sudden feeling you couldn't breathe?  Thoughts raced through my head like, would she like to call him and ask him but I knew better than to go there. I probably mumbled something like I didn't know. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so surprised since as hard as I tried to get good grades and do the right thing nothing I did had ever really pleased her.  
She had never liked anyone I dated before thinking they were not good enough for me and now I am not good enough for Barney.

Somehow the interrogation finally ended with something about she didn't send me to Stephens to date or to have fun.  Then there was something about perhaps running around with rich girls made me think I was something I was not. I didn't cry myself to sleep that night, I just cried all night and thought of all the times I had disappointed her by being a cheerleader, doing plays she never came to and just breathing in general. On the other hand I always did all those things she wanted me to do like running for Miss Muskogee, being trophy girl at the stock car races, not going to slumber parties or doing the things all the other girls got to do.  It was like walking on a tightrope everyday.

The next morning she came in my room at 5:00 AM all cheerful as if there had been no discussion the night before.  It was obvious I had been crying all night since my eyes were almost swollen shut but I put on my happy face and had a cheerful cup of coffee with her, helped Kenny with his papers and acted as normal as possible when I wanted to scream.  I fell back into my normal pattern of behavior with her to try to keep the waters calm.  Somehow I knew my return to Stephens was hanging in the balance as well as my relationship with Barney.

Barney called before I left for work that morning and told me how much fun he had with me in Muskogee and how much he loved and missed me.  I did not tell him anything about the conversation with Mother.  
That was normal behavior for me as I never could admit to anyone that our house was not like the Clever's.  I did call Cathie as she had figured out a lot about my home situation during the time we lived together at Stephens. Talking to Barney and Cathie helped me get through the next couple of weeks.

There were lots of phone calls, cards and letters that summer from not only Barney, Pam and Cathie but from the other girls from Stephens.  Some were spending the summer at beaches somewhere or travelling in Europe.  It was fun to get so much mail and I made sure Mother saw the posts cards from exotic places around the world.  Of course there were times I wished I was someplace else but I was happy for all my friends doing exciting things. There was no discussion about Stephens even though there were letters for my parents from them.  

I spent a lot of time with my little nephew, Don.  He turned three that summer and there was a big family birthday party.  Paul had made him a stock car for him out of a pedal car.  I was always available to baby sit and Don loved to go for ice cream with Aunt Nana.  He got to cruise Muskogee in either my VW or Joan's VW convertible as a trip for ice cream was always a good excuse to run around town at night.

Don, Dad, Me and Little Girl

My neighbor, Tom, and I hung out a lot.  He was extremely funny and could brighten any day.  Tom, Kenny and I somehow managed to get tickets to go see Herman and the Hermits in Tulsa. I had to laugh as they sang "Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter" because when that song came out Barney changed all the words and sang it like he was singing to my Mother.  Wonder what she would have thought about that one?

I managed to keep the waters between Mother and I calm until I told her Barney was coming back the first week in August.  That was when she announced that she and Dad were not sure they could afford to send me back to Stephens.  Okay - for one thing, Dad did not agree to that but he would not disagree with Mother.  Secondly, with a scholarship and a grant tuition, room and board for both semesters was half paid for.  In my typical fashion I did not remind Mother that it was her idea in the first place to go to Stephens.  The sad part was that no one argued with Mother except Paul.  I guess Dad, Kenny and I watched some of the consequences of arguing between them and knew it was fruitless to try to get your point of view across.

Barney was to arrive the following Sunday and I had no idea how the visit would go.

Stephens College in the 64-65 school year was going through a transition from what had been a two year "finishing school" for young ladies to a full four year college.  Confusing as it sounds now freshmen were called juniors, sophomores were seniors and then the first of the third year students were called upperclassmen.  There was no Student Union where you could eat and hang out but a couple of Tearooms on the campus.

Many of the old traditional rules were still in place that were much different from the University of Missouri.  Sororities were local on campus, Vespers, which was a religious service, was required on Wednesday nights and there were many other functions that required your attendance. The important rules were no drinking, no being in men's living quarters and the requirement to be within the county limits during the day and the city limits at night.  The dorms were locked at 10:00 Sunday through Thursday and at 12:00 on Friday and Saturday.  Being late caused you to have to ring the doorbell and face the wrath of the dorm mother you kept up late.  All these were important things to remember.

The day after the skateboarding event I met Barney, class schedule in hand, at one of the tearooms for lunch. It was easy to put on pounds eating Stephens food either in the dining hall or the tearooms.  They made all their own bread and ice cream which was to die for.  Over meatloaf sandwiches Barney and I came to a schedule for the week which now seems very funny.  After two dates I felt like I was filling out a dance card with his name in little slots.  Thursday night would be my choice of what to do (perhaps a dangerous idea on his part) and Friday night he had planned a date and the only thing I knew about it was that I was to dress up. I guessed that would be the little basic black dress, heels and a single strand of pearls.


Picking something to do on Thursday night was pretty easy. Not giving a thought that most guys hate musicals I picked going to the movies to see Mary Poppins. There was a slight eye-roll from Barney when I announced where I wanted to go but he was the one that decided the evening was my choice.  There was the fleeting thought that perhaps making a guy I was really trying to impress go see Mary Poppins was not the best plan. After a stop for ice cream on the way home he was looking a little serious but a few songs and dance steps from me got him laughing. When we arrived at the dorm he told me he really had fun and was looking forward to the next night.  Relief - I hadn't blown it yet.

Must say when he came to pick me up on Friday night we made a pretty good looking couple.  I, in my basic black and he in a suit and tie. The dorm mother looked like she had just fallen in love herself. On the way to his car he said we were double dating with friends of his but wouldn't tell me where we were going. Now what college student drives a 1964 Pontiac Booneville?  No wonder we were walking everywhere.  It took up two parking spaces and there was enough room in the front seat for six people. It seemed a little lonely sitting by the passenger door until he said "Hey" and pointed to the seat right next to him.  I gladly moved over so that I did not have to shout to talk to him.  

1964 Pontiac Booneville

Off we went and I noticed the city limit sign as we sped by, then the county limit sign. It wasn't that I hadn't broken any Stephens rules before it just was difficult to ask where we were going as my stomach began to sort of roll around.  I had the feeling he was determined to keep the location of our date a secret so I didn't ask and tried to not show terror in my voice as we drove down the highway further and further from Columbia.

Finally we arrived at the destination which ended up being an elegant  hotel in the Missouri capitol of Jefferson City.  It was a little difficult to behave in a normal manner upon arriving at a hotel.  What was the guy I hardly knew thinking and how do I get out of this one?  You cannot imagine my relief when we entered the huge dining room with an orchestra playing and people dining and dancing.  For an eighteen year old girl from Muskogee, Oklahoma this was just like in the movies and I felt like Cinderella.

All thoughts of breaking a Stephens rule that could put me on a plane home the next morning disappeared from my head during dinner.  The other couple was fun and Barney turned out to be a very good dancer.
Gliding across the floor I was having the time of my life until I happened to glance at his watch.  Did it really say 11:40?  Like Cinderella my witching hour was 12:00 and we were thirty-five miles from Columbia. There is no quick way to exit a restaurant and get a car from valet parking.  It seemed like forever before we actually got on the highway.

That was the first time I was ever in a car going 100 miles an hour.  The speed did not terrify me at all but the thought of what was going to happen when I had to ring the dorm doorbell and face Mrs. Wells certainly did.  Then there was the problem of concocting a logical story about why I was late without anyone finding out that we had been a long way out of the city limits.  By the time we did get back to the dorm I was beyond thinking or speaking.  Barney parked the car in the middle of the street, grabbed my hand to pull me out of the car and we headed for the door.

He kept telling me everything would be alright and how sorry he was.
When we got to the door before I rang the bell he kissed me and said "Let me do the talking".  He told Mrs. Wells something about someplace we had gone and the car would not start and we had to walk back to the dorm.  She was just happy to see him and would have believed anything he told her.

So far, so good.

Mabel Wells, Dorm Mother

First Date

A picture can bring back so many memories. Why do I have the look of sheer terror on my face? What was in my mind thinking that was my favorite outfit?  Just who sends flowers telling you what time he will pick you up when he didn't even ask you if you wanted to go out?

Back in 1965 it was rare to get flowers unless it was your birthday or some special occasion like a prom.  Living in a dorm at Stephens College it caused a real commotion since they were left at the front desk and inquiring minds wanted to know just what the occasion was. It created a lot of questions and suggestions when I confessed they were from a boy I hardly knew with a card the said "Had to go home for the weekend.  I'll pick you up at 3:00 on Sunday".

What was initially excitement to think that this nice, great looking guy actually wanted to go on a date with me turned into panic when everyone started asking questions.  Did he go to the University of Missouri?  How old was he? How did you meet him?  Where are you going on this date? It was pretty terrible as I could only tell them I had talked to him at a club, couldn't remember much of the conversation and could not even remember if I gave him my phone number.  That only made matters worse. Thank heavens those were the days of girls happily hitchhiking so at least no one was worried about a serial rapist.

Needless to say I had times of being excited and then times of really questioning keeping the date between Saturday afternoon when the flowers arrived and Sunday at 3:00.  What am I going to say to him when I was pretty speechless the night we met?  Just what does a person wear on a date when you do not know where you are going or what you are going to do? I am quite sure I checked every one's closet to find the perfect outfit for whatever.  Of course studying was out of the question as well as eating and sleeping. Then there was the thought that he just might not show up.

The picture was taken just before the appointed time for the date and I guess I should explain the outfit.  Sort of has the look of a refugee from a private school.  Oh.....I was at a private school only we did not have uniforms.  Have to admit that I had - still have - a fascination with sailor collars.  If I was going to really go through with this date I needed to wear something I felt comfortable in whether it looked totally ridiculous or not. Also Stephens girls were not allowed to wear slacks unless you were going to physical education class or out to Stephens Lake. So the picture was taken when I was ready to go or still trying to decide if I would just let the front desk tell him I was not home.

The hall phone rang at 2:50, Cathie answered it and I was paralyzed when she announced he was downstairs.  Somehow I made it down the steps without running or falling.  There he was, all six-foot four of him happily chatting with the Dorm Mother. No doubt she had gotten wind of the flowers thing and was checking him out. When he said hello and smiled at me my a portion of my sanity returned.  The only little hurdle left was to sign out with a name and where we were going.  That was pretty bad when you don't know his last name and certainly not something you want to admit in front of the Dorm Mother.  I scribbled something for a last name and that we were going to the movies. A few pleasantries and we were out the door.

Once we were out the door he told me he had a car or we could just go for a walk since spring was beginning to pop out and the weather was beautiful.  I decided going for a walk might be better because long minutes of silence in a car would be more difficult than silence while walking.  He took my hand and we headed off in the direction of Stephens Lake.  From the moment he held my hand conversation was no longer a problem.  We talked about school, family, growing up and all those things you learn about with someone you have just met.

There were quite a few people at the lake, groups of Stephens girls out together for a Sunday afternoon and a few couples enjoying the day.  Usually there were canoes and row boats that you could use but it was too early in the season for those.  I think he was disappointed there were no boats and said I had on the perfect outfit for a ride in a boat.  I told him he was wrong, in the movies all the girls riding in boats with guys had on long flowing dresses.  His reply was that since I was dressed like the sailor he could ride and I could row. That made him laugh. Then he complimented the outfit and asked if he could always expect the unexpected with me.  I answered probably.

Thankfully he finally asked if I was hungry since he had skipped lunch.  I politely said yes not wanting to admit I was starving since I had pretty well not been able to eat since the arrival of the flowers.  We hiked back to town to one of the nicest restaurants, the kind with white table cloths and a host that seated you.  After ordering I decided it was time to ask two important questions. Perhaps I looked a little serious when I asked him if I could ask him a couple of questions.  He got all serious looking and said that I could always ask him anything. 

Getting prepared for perhaps a serious question he took a big drink of water just as I asked what his last name was.  I told him it was hard to sign out on the card in the dorm since I had to make up a last name. Oops...guess he could not laugh and swallow at the same time. Water sort of flew everywhere.  He asked what name I had used and I said I scribbled Smith or something but you really couldn't read it.  Actually I could have been very clever and written that I was going out with Barney Fife.  Everyone in the place looked at us as he was laughing so loud.  Zick.  Barney Zick.

After he regained his composure he said he was ready for the next question.  I told him the flowers caused a lot of commotion in the entire dorm.  They all wanted to know all about him and were taken back by the fact that we had not talked about going out the night we met.  There was not a question that I could answer except that his name was Barney.  It was suggested that I stand him up.  So why did you just assume I would be available at 3:00 on Sunday?  Hmm.......interesting look.   "I didn't have your phone number and I actually was afraid you would say no if I asked you for a date. I really wasn't sure you would come down the stairs at the dorm."  Wow, boys and girls, men and women must think somewhat the same at times.

After dinner Barney walked me back to the dorm.  When we got there he took both of my hands and asked if he could see me again.   Of course I wanted to see him again.. and again..and again so we made plans for the next day.  He said 3:00 and I said 3:30 plus I had a TV class at 7:00.  As he started to walk away I said "Hey, should I wear anything special?"  He asked "Like what?"   I shouted "How about a ballerina tutu?"  He just walked away shaking his head but I could tell the way his shoulders moved he was laughing again.

There are a lot of dates and names of guys written on my Stephens calendar that I have no memory of at all.  The memory of that first date with Barney has been ingrained in my little mind all the years.  Interesting that there was no kiss on that first date.

Interesting Second Semester

The second semester at Stephens brought about a lot of changes in class schedules for the better.  As a Television, Radio and Film major there were no more watching silent movies and a camera was thrust in my hands to make a twenty minute movie by the end of the semester. The Performance class had taught me how not to make the word dance pronounced with two syllables (Okie talk) and we were turned loose in the radio station. Best of all was no more drawing of sets and learning about cameras, directing and sound boards.  Time to get behind the cameras and do some television shows.

The 1964/65 school year was the opening of the new James Madison Wood Quadrangle.  This series of buildings brought together a variety of group and individual instructional requirements with the maximum use of visual and audio materials.  This was the location of the Helis Communication Center and the Patricia Barry Television Studio. These studios broad casted the College's audio and visual educational programming for the entire campus with state of the art equipment.

For the College to have a fully equipped television station sounds really silly with the technology we have today but back then it was astounding. A little history - in 1965 only 3.1% of all televisions were color sets and FM radio was not popular until the late 1950's.  For the College to have a studio with two color cameras and an FM radio station was cutting edge for that time.  Students produced a weekly television show each week with college news and entertainment plus the radio station was on the air each Saturday.  The "hands-on" experience with only about twenty or thirty girls in the department kept us all busy.

My thought about taking roller skating for physical education did not work out exactly as I had planned.  Did I actually think that bringing my own skates to school with the pink and white fur pom poms attached to the toes would make me look like I had never skated before?  The instructor looked at me the first day of class as I laced up my skates.  
The hard part was trying to stumble around like I had never had skates on before like the rest of the class. 

Heading Off To College

The Summer of 64 seemed to pass very quickly at times and drag endlessly at others.  It was a learning experience having my first real job and one that I did well enough at that my boss asked me to return the next summer. The knowledge that I was leaving everyone and everything I knew for the first time in eighteen years was a mixture of excitement and apprehension or perhaps sheer terror would be a more apt explanation.

Shortly after my acceptance letter came in the mail from Stephens College in Columbia, Missouri a book arrived in the mail that was a guideline for all students. There was also a letter that told me who my roommate was as the college picked those on the basis of the home visit done by the college representative done during my senior year. Mother got in contact with my new roommate's mother and took charge of decorating the room since we had visited the college during the summer. She immersed herself in "With In The Ivy" and gleamed over all the rules and regulations.  The worst part was that she shopped for clothes for me.  I tried to match the clothes she bought to my stacks of Seventeen magazines and wondered what style books she was looking at.  Ah, but there was no arguing with Mother.


While Mother is planning my life at Stephens, Dad had a different idea.  He thought it would be nice if I just stayed home and went to college at Northeastern State University. It was a short commute and he would buy me a  Corvette or even a 1953 MGTD, which was my choice.  It was tempting.  Looking back now I realize that I probably knew what was going on with both parents but did not have the courage to just tell them they needed to stop the tug of war over me.  Mother wanted the prestige of sending her daughter off to a private girl's college.  Dad wanted his only daughter, his only buffer between he and my Mother, not to leave. Although Dad and I never talked about it we both knew what I had to do as neither of us was able to say no to Mother. It was a good thing I worked six days a week, spent as little time at home as possible and tried very hard not to think about any of it.

Back in 1964 there were a lot more rules for female students to live by. Stephens was no exception but perhaps due to the history of the college,  a little more strict.  In 1833 the Columbia Female College was established to provide a higher education for the girls in town. In 1857 the Columbia Female Academy was incorporated into the Baptist Female College.  Finally in 1870 an endowment fund saw the name of the institution changed to Stephens College and in 1911 was reorganized to provide emphasis on the education of women in the first two years of college.  By the mid-sixties it became a full four year college.

Stephens had hours that girls had to be in their dorms unlike the University of Missouri a few blocks away.  Sunday through Thursday you had to be in by 10:00 and 12:00 on the weekends.  You signed in and out of the dorm stating where you were going on the weekend nights and the dorm Mother was always there when you signed in.  If you broke one of the three cardinal rules which were (1) No Drinking of alcoholic beverages (2) Do not enter a man's living quarters (3) Do not leave the county limits during the day or the city limits at night.  Failure to heed these rules was an immediate plane ticket home.  Sounded great to parents. I guess I figured those were going to be pretty simple to follow.  Right?

Finally departure day arrived. Stephens had made plane reservations for all of the incoming freshmen.  I was to fly from Tulsa to Kansas City to meet up with all the girls from the western part of the country.    At the same time planes landed in St. Louis with all the girls from the east.
Chartered buses were to meet us at the airport and we would then be off to Columbia. I had never flown before, I was going off to college, I had luggage for the first time in my life all of which should have been very exciting.  Upon landing in Kansas City all the girls were put into a large group while waiting for more planes to land.  

A plane ticket from Tulsa to Kansas City was $40.25 in 1964

It was one of those times when all the insecurities and shyness seemed to overwhelmed me.  I looked around at all the others girls giggling and laughing dressed in their Seventeen Magazine outfits with blonde hair and I wanted to hide in a corner and have a good cry.  Mother had made me get my blonde hair dyed back to it's natural brown color so I looked wholesome.  To make the day really perfect she had decided I should wear a brown dotted swiss dress with awful shoes that hurt my feet. Brown is not my color and had there been zombie movies at the time I would have been cast in an instance. But the worst was not over yet.

No one told me, nor was it mentioned in the book Mother studied so intently, that upon arrival at Stephens College the streets would be lined with boys from the University of Missouri.  It was a tradition that the boys came by what seemed to be the hundreds to check out the new crop of Stephens Susie's as we were called.  As I shuffled, yes shuffled, because my feet would no longer bend in those shoes I was wondering what I was doing in this place. I could only slide my feet along the pavement or pick them up and put them down flat much like a horse tromping down the street.  Getting to my dorm room on the fourth floor I passed through more giggling girls finding out where everyone was from.  I heard New York City, Los Angeles, Hawaii and on and on. How could I tell anyone I was from Muskogee, Oklahoma?  Who ever heard of anyone from Muskogee?  How many actually knew where Oklahoma was on the map?  The bright spot had to be that Merle Haggard had  not yet recorded that song as somehow it does not compare to 'New York, New York',  'San Fransisco Here I Come' or 'Chicago Is My Kind Of Town'.

South Hall at Stephens College

The dorm room was stacked with boxes that had been shipped ahead of time. The rooms were set up so that two rooms shared a bathroom with a shower, sink and toilet. There was not much I could do until my roommate should up so I sort of hid in the room.  Girls came in and out, introductions were made and names and hometowns swirled around me in a blur.  Where could the mysterious roommate be?  Surely she arrived in Kansas City and on the stream of buses about the same time I did.  Maybe she wasn't coming?  Maybe I could just hide in that room all by myself. Why did I ever let myself get talked into coming to this place?

About the time I was ready to break down and have a good cry a girl walks into the room.  She said "Hi, I'm Cathie.  You have to be my roomie".  Every  insecurity I ever had and maybe some new ones cut through me like a knife that moment she walked in the door.  She had the most brilliant blue eyes I had ever seen, beautiful blonde hair and she filled any room with her presence.  She would always remind me how my mouth dropped open when she appeared in the room. Needless to say it was a very rocky start for me at that moment to believe I would like her or that I could get along with her.

Cathie

At least she was from Midland, Texas and not a glamorous place. That first day with Cathie was interesting to say the least especially when she went searching for one particular box that she had to find.  Upon opening it, out came a very well worn four foot tall teddy bear named Jex.  Jex slept with her every night.  Even though I seriously wondered how out of eighteen hundred girls and seven boys attending Stephens College that fall I ended up with Cathie I would soon learn everyday was an adventure.  I would also learn a lot about myself.