I Should Have Known Inquiring Minds Had To Know

                                 The Date Approval Council plus Cathie's Marty Mo

Going in the dorm after the first date with Barney I was met by Mrs. Wells, the dorm mother.  Thinking it was something I had done wrong I was surprised when she had a discussion with me about what a charming young man Barney was. It never ceased to amaze me how closely she watched all of us.  That had it's good and bad points.

Arrival back to my room brought on all the questions I could not answer before the date.  There were a lot of inquiring minds especially as they were hanging out the window as we walked away from the dorm.  Yes, he was very nice, a junior/senior at Mizzou carrying twenty-two hours working on a business degree, he was from Kansas City and we had another date the next day. 

Actually I was glad when all the girls went to bed and stopped asking questions.  Needless to say I was a little behind in the homework department since the weekend had not been very productive for studying.  Trying to do it that evening was just about as difficult.  One of those times when the brain goes on a rewind of the afternoon.  Anyone remember the times when one moment you have a sort of warm and fuzzy feeling that this was someone really special - the next moment you just know he will never show up again? Did I really tell him I would show up in a ballerina tutu?  Is my crazy room mate really rubbing off on me that badly?

Monday morning came too fast to get all the classwork done and I was really wondering why I had agreed to a date with Barney that afternoon. There was a book I had to read by Wednesday and a lot of extra TV and radio studio time I needed to put in.  Since I had not bothered to ask for his phone number I was stuck but somehow I doubt that I would have cancelled the date.  Cancelling would have been the logical thing to do and there were not a lot of logical thoughts floating through the brain.

                                        Sally and Cathie

I got back to the dorm a little after 3:00 and ran upstairs to drop off books.  Cathie and Sally had borrowed a skateboard from the only girl on our floor that had one and headed downstairs. For those of you who did not know there were skateboards back in the 50's and 60's, there were.  They were a lot different than later models in that they were only about eighteen inches long and six or seven inches wide with small metal or wooden wheels. It was more difficult to place feet on them and the wheels did not roll over bumps in the sidewalk very well.  By the time I got downstairs Sally and Cathie had introduced themselves to Barney who was early as usual.  It began to look like a set up deal for them to meet him.

It was very easy to lose control of any situation when Cathie was involved and adding Sally in made it truly difficult.  Whatever the plans had been for the afternoon were suddenly changed by my two wacky friends. The four of us ended up skateboarding all over the campus.  Well, let's say attempting to skateboard.  It had to be quite a sight.  Sally was balance challenged and could trip over anything. She spent most of the time in some hilarious position before crashing to the ground.  I managed to do pretty well but Cathie was the champ. She would go as fast as she could waving her arms and singing. When she crashed it was pretty spectacular as all three of us ran after her in laughter.

Poor Barney could not even get his big feet on the tiny skateboard.  As a last resort Cathie got him to try to just stand on one foot which was a total disaster.  Don't think he wanted to try the art of skateboarding after one crash that resulted in a definite limp for the rest of the afternoon.  That was when he suggested we go have pizza so he wasn't forced to try any more new tricks.  

It was difficult to actually eat pizza for all the laughter.  Between Cathie and Sally who always brought out all the silliest in me it was a good thing we were not asked to leave the restaurant. I had a class that evening so Barney and I walked back to the dorm.  He wanted to know if all my friends were crazy and I answered that they actually pretty much were.  It was like one of those questions that made you wonder if he really wanted to hang out with a group of idiots especially when the conversation turned to the amount of studying we both had to do.  The fear crept over me that the next thing coming was perhaps he was to busy to see me.

Arriving back at the dorm he said that he could not remember laughing so hard and that he knew he would never know what to expect next from me.  There was a moment when it felt like the big brush off was coming as he talked about how much studying he had to do but then he asked me to make out my schedule of classes for him and meet him for lunch the next day. That had to be a positive thing or he just wanted to know when to hide in Columbia so he didn't run into me or my nutty friends.

Later that night after class Cathie gave her approval of Barney but said I had better work on teaching him how to play.  For the first time in three days I was able to open a book and remember what I had just read.  Back to studying since we had a special guest coming the next week for the dedication of the new performance learning center which meant more hours in the TV studio plus it was nearing the end of the third semester.

It was interesting that Cathie came to the conclusion that Barney did not know how to play. She was the absolute queen of playtime so I figured she should know.  Can I really teach a twenty year old, 4.0 Eagle Scout how to play?

Probably.

Cathie

                                                                 

First Date

A picture can bring back so many memories. Why do I have the look of sheer terror on my face? What was in my mind thinking that was my favorite outfit?  Just who sends flowers telling you what time he will pick you up when he didn't even ask you if you wanted to go out?

Back in 1965 it was rare to get flowers unless it was your birthday or some special occasion like a prom.  Living in a dorm at Stephens College it caused a real commotion since they were left at the front desk and inquiring minds wanted to know just what the occasion was. It created a lot of questions and suggestions when I confessed they were from a boy I hardly knew with a card the said "Had to go home for the weekend.  I'll pick you up at 3:00 on Sunday".

What was initially excitement to think that this nice, great looking guy actually wanted to go on a date with me turned into panic when everyone started asking questions.  Did he go to the University of Missouri?  How old was he? How did you meet him?  Where are you going on this date? It was pretty terrible as I could only tell them I had talked to him at a club, couldn't remember much of the conversation and could not even remember if I gave him my phone number.  That only made matters worse. Thank heavens those were the days of girls happily hitchhiking so at least no one was worried about a serial rapist.

Needless to say I had times of being excited and then times of really questioning keeping the date between Saturday afternoon when the flowers arrived and Sunday at 3:00.  What am I going to say to him when I was pretty speechless the night we met?  Just what does a person wear on a date when you do not know where you are going or what you are going to do? I am quite sure I checked every one's closet to find the perfect outfit for whatever.  Of course studying was out of the question as well as eating and sleeping. Then there was the thought that he just might not show up.

The picture was taken just before the appointed time for the date and I guess I should explain the outfit.  Sort of has the look of a refugee from a private school.  Oh.....I was at a private school only we did not have uniforms.  Have to admit that I had - still have - a fascination with sailor collars.  If I was going to really go through with this date I needed to wear something I felt comfortable in whether it looked totally ridiculous or not. Also Stephens girls were not allowed to wear slacks unless you were going to physical education class or out to Stephens Lake. So the picture was taken when I was ready to go or still trying to decide if I would just let the front desk tell him I was not home.

The hall phone rang at 2:50, Cathie answered it and I was paralyzed when she announced he was downstairs.  Somehow I made it down the steps without running or falling.  There he was, all six-foot four of him happily chatting with the Dorm Mother. No doubt she had gotten wind of the flowers thing and was checking him out. When he said hello and smiled at me my a portion of my sanity returned.  The only little hurdle left was to sign out with a name and where we were going.  That was pretty bad when you don't know his last name and certainly not something you want to admit in front of the Dorm Mother.  I scribbled something for a last name and that we were going to the movies. A few pleasantries and we were out the door.

Once we were out the door he told me he had a car or we could just go for a walk since spring was beginning to pop out and the weather was beautiful.  I decided going for a walk might be better because long minutes of silence in a car would be more difficult than silence while walking.  He took my hand and we headed off in the direction of Stephens Lake.  From the moment he held my hand conversation was no longer a problem.  We talked about school, family, growing up and all those things you learn about with someone you have just met.

There were quite a few people at the lake, groups of Stephens girls out together for a Sunday afternoon and a few couples enjoying the day.  Usually there were canoes and row boats that you could use but it was too early in the season for those.  I think he was disappointed there were no boats and said I had on the perfect outfit for a ride in a boat.  I told him he was wrong, in the movies all the girls riding in boats with guys had on long flowing dresses.  His reply was that since I was dressed like the sailor he could ride and I could row. That made him laugh. Then he complimented the outfit and asked if he could always expect the unexpected with me.  I answered probably.

Thankfully he finally asked if I was hungry since he had skipped lunch.  I politely said yes not wanting to admit I was starving since I had pretty well not been able to eat since the arrival of the flowers.  We hiked back to town to one of the nicest restaurants, the kind with white table cloths and a host that seated you.  After ordering I decided it was time to ask two important questions. Perhaps I looked a little serious when I asked him if I could ask him a couple of questions.  He got all serious looking and said that I could always ask him anything. 

Getting prepared for perhaps a serious question he took a big drink of water just as I asked what his last name was.  I told him it was hard to sign out on the card in the dorm since I had to make up a last name. Oops...guess he could not laugh and swallow at the same time. Water sort of flew everywhere.  He asked what name I had used and I said I scribbled Smith or something but you really couldn't read it.  Actually I could have been very clever and written that I was going out with Barney Fife.  Everyone in the place looked at us as he was laughing so loud.  Zick.  Barney Zick.

After he regained his composure he said he was ready for the next question.  I told him the flowers caused a lot of commotion in the entire dorm.  They all wanted to know all about him and were taken back by the fact that we had not talked about going out the night we met.  There was not a question that I could answer except that his name was Barney.  It was suggested that I stand him up.  So why did you just assume I would be available at 3:00 on Sunday?  Hmm.......interesting look.   "I didn't have your phone number and I actually was afraid you would say no if I asked you for a date. I really wasn't sure you would come down the stairs at the dorm."  Wow, boys and girls, men and women must think somewhat the same at times.

After dinner Barney walked me back to the dorm.  When we got there he took both of my hands and asked if he could see me again.   Of course I wanted to see him again.. and again..and again so we made plans for the next day.  He said 3:00 and I said 3:30 plus I had a TV class at 7:00.  As he started to walk away I said "Hey, should I wear anything special?"  He asked "Like what?"   I shouted "How about a ballerina tutu?"  He just walked away shaking his head but I could tell the way his shoulders moved he was laughing again.

There are a lot of dates and names of guys written on my Stephens calendar that I have no memory of at all.  The memory of that first date with Barney has been ingrained in my little mind all the years.  Interesting that there was no kiss on that first date.

Interesting Second Semester

The second semester at Stephens brought about a lot of changes in class schedules for the better.  As a Television, Radio and Film major there were no more watching silent movies and a camera was thrust in my hands to make a twenty minute movie by the end of the semester. The Performance class had taught me how not to make the word dance pronounced with two syllables (Okie talk) and we were turned loose in the radio station. Best of all was no more drawing of sets and learning about cameras, directing and sound boards.  Time to get behind the cameras and do some television shows.

The 1964/65 school year was the opening of the new James Madison Wood Quadrangle.  This series of buildings brought together a variety of group and individual instructional requirements with the maximum use of visual and audio materials.  This was the location of the Helis Communication Center and the Patricia Barry Television Studio. These studios broad casted the College's audio and visual educational programming for the entire campus with state of the art equipment.

For the College to have a fully equipped television station sounds really silly with the technology we have today but back then it was astounding. A little history - in 1965 only 3.1% of all televisions were color sets and FM radio was not popular until the late 1950's.  For the College to have a studio with two color cameras and an FM radio station was cutting edge for that time.  Students produced a weekly television show each week with college news and entertainment plus the radio station was on the air each Saturday.  The "hands-on" experience with only about twenty or thirty girls in the department kept us all busy.

My thought about taking roller skating for physical education did not work out exactly as I had planned.  Did I actually think that bringing my own skates to school with the pink and white fur pom poms attached to the toes would make me look like I had never skated before?  The instructor looked at me the first day of class as I laced up my skates.  
The hard part was trying to stumble around like I had never had skates on before like the rest of the class. 

Back To The Fun Place

January 3, 1965 could not come fast enough after being home for Christmas vacation from college.  It was not what I had imagined it would be although, in my usual manner, I made the best of it.  Perhaps it was great training for the years ahead.

Since Mother was still in the hospital after some minor surgery Dad was responsible for getting me to the airport in Tulsa fifty miles away.  This was troubling for me as my very intelligent Dad was totally directionally impaired.  He was a man who could quote any chemical formula in an instant or tell you what high school football player would do great in college. (This is why he was pretty good at betting on college football games). But he could not find his way out of a paper bag. To make sure he got back to Muskogee my little brother skipped school and went along with us.

Checking in at the airport once again meant Dad had to pay the overweight charge on the luggage.  Not only did I have all the clothes I arrived home with but all the clothes I got for Christmas.  On the subject of clothes - Mother and I had completely different taste in apparel from the day I was old enough to realize people wore clothes. For Christmas I got the usual array of frilly items of some weird silky fabric.  They were clothes she would look like a million bucks in but that I felt like I had a clown costume on.  Oh well, I was sure someone in the dorm would put them to good use.

There was no room in the suitcases for my roller skates.  They would have added an extra five pounds to the luggage so I just tied the strings together and slung them over my shoulder.  If you are wondering why I had to take my roller skates to college it was pretty simple.  Physical education at Stephens consisted of things like golf, which I did poorly at, bowling, horseback riding, boating and canoeing, archery and many others, one of which was roller skating.  Something told me I could take roller skating, act like I could not skate at first and then get pretty good.  Sounded like an easy "A".  We will find out later how that worked out but maybe having my own skates was not such a good idea.

January at Stephens meant the first two weeks were to catch up on all the class work you didn't get done for the semester.  I can remember re-writing a paper on comparing Hawthorne's Heroines several times to pass American literature. To this day I would have a hard time writing that paper because "who cares!"  Then the last two weeks were Dead Week and finals.  I think all eight of us on the end the hall of the dorm were actually good students so it was pretty easy to get studying done. There were a couple of exceptions to serious study.

At Stephens, since we were all supposed to be proper ladies, there was room inspection every Friday.  The house Mother in the black dress and sturdy shoes would come by and check to make sure the room was neat and tidy and that there was no food in the room.  She always put a note on the door with a ranking on how the room looked.  Of course Cathie and I always got a Superior as I made sure the room was perfect before going to class on Friday.  One Friday during Dead Week Cathie yells at me about being so tidy. Guess we thought it would be fun to shred the room for inspection. Actually it was fun and when we arrived home there was a Poor rating stuck to the door.  Success.

The joy of being successful with a poor rating was short lived.   I got called down to the dorm Mother's office for a chat. Now you have to remember that she thought Cathie was a terrible influence on me and always inquired if I wanted to switch room mates. She didn't buy my story that we had overslept and just didn't have time to straighten the room up.  Guess the mattresses half off of the beds, the food wrappers on the floor and all the drawers hanging open with clothes spilling out didn't seem logical.  She thought Cathie had done all that after I had left for class. That seemed to be a pretty good explanation so I played like it was all Cathie's fault.  She felt sorry for me having to live with such a terrible person but I declined changing room mates because I felt it was my duty to help Cathie be a better person.  Gold star for me,
black one for Cathie. That was one of my better schemes to get us out of trouble.

Cathie the Innocent

Made through finals in good shape, parents were pleased. Second semester proved to be very interesting.  Looking at all my notes on the calendar classes and the sorority got much busier and I don't have many notes on dating.  Maybe the mysterious Mike person made me swear off of dating. Hard as Pam tried nothing could keep Cathie and I out of trouble.

Making The Best of a Not Merry Christmas

Funny how we look forward to something, imagine how much fun it is going to be and whip it up in our mind to be nothing short of spectacular.  When I did that it usually turned out to be a disaster.  Guess I learned pretty young that one needs a great amount of "spring back" to navigate through life.

Going home for Christmas after four months away at college still stands out as one of those events.  What I imagined as two and a half weeks of family, fun and Christmas spirit was quickly dashed the moment I got off the plane.  For some reason Mother was not prepared for the once again blonde haired daughter who arrived with luggage forty pounds overweight filled with clothes borrowed from friends. It was several days later that she began speaking to me.  Actually I didn't want to talk to her as she had sold my car.  

This was behavior I was quite used to since any minor little mistake, coming home from a date late, dating someone she didn't like, getting involved with cheer leading, plays or not agreeing with her on every thought she had resulted in the same silent treatment. Poor Dad was treated the same way.  We actually went on a vacation once when Mother did not speak to Dad for the entire two weeks we were gone. That was an interesting trip filled with the usual "Donna, would you tell your Father it it time to eat" or "Donna, would you tell your Father he is on the wrong road".  I did learn to read a map at an early age.  

I learned from Dad to simply live through the silence until I was on Mother's list of people who were worth talking to.  There was never a discussion on why she was not speaking to us and acted like everything was fine.  Placating her moods and whims was not good for either of us and was a behavior pattern I kept for far too many years.



I do remember a few things about those three and a half weeks of Christmas vacation. A guy, Dennis, I had dated my senior year came home for a few days.  He had been a student teacher at our high school and was off in New Mexico working.  Before I had left for college he was in the "marry me now or never" mode. He was older and more serious than I was and the idea of marriage was pretty far out of my realm.  I left for college which was my answer to his question.  When he came home that Christmas I got him to take me to see the Ice Capades in Tulsa.  That was fun. My answer to his question was the same as it had been in the fall.

My lifesaver was a boy who was a year younger than me that lived around the corner. Tom had been in the speech department at high school with me.  We started hanging out together and went to a dance or two, the movies and I got to counsel him on his girl problems.  He was extremely funny and I seem to remember that we laughed all the time. Besides he had to be home earlier than I so I stayed out of trouble in that respect with Mother. Guess Tom was not a threat to Mother's little world.

Tom at Honor Heights Park

One day we went out and took pictures of the "sights" in Muskogee so I could take them back to college and show them to my friends. On New Year's Eve we went to a dance at Meadowbrook Country Club where I had been a lifeguard the summer before.  Mother was in the hospital after having some surgery.  We stopped by the hospital before the dance.  Tom was wearing a huge black cape and carrying a briefcase in which we had put a bottle of champagne and some glasses to celebrate the evening with Mother.  Must have been as interesting sight. I think I was actually celebrating that in two days I would be on the plane headed back to college. Doing silly things with Tom saved that Christmas time at home.



This has been a very hard story to write.   I have spent the last six weeks trying to decide how to explain the patterns of behavior I developed growing up.  If I didn't then I really could not go on with my stories.  So many of our choices and decisions we make through our life come from patterns of behavior we learn at a very young age.  My term "spring back" that I used in the first part of this story gave me the ability to make the most of a bad decision or situation.  When things were not good or happy I have the ability to put them aside and spring back to a happier mode. I have also had the great good fortune of having friends and family I could depend on.

It gets really interesting from here on.  If you want to keep reading go back up to the top and hit the little subscribe box.  You will get put on the automatic mailing list. 

Friends

I have had trouble in writing the next chapter in my story about how much fun it has been to grow up as a Baby Boomer.  The subject of how coming home from college the first year for Christmas vacation has caused a lot of thought about friends. I think the old saying about how you can't go home again sort of kept running through my mind.

The really funny part about writing about friends and home has come at a time when I have been spiffing up the house for a high school class party.  By a stroke of luck a high school friend posted on Facebook this morning "You never forget the neighborhood kids you grew up with". How true not only of the neighborhood kids but all the kids you spent the first eighteen years of your life with.

I guess I was lucky in the fact that I did get to stay in my hometown until I graduated from high school.  After that it was fifty years of moving all over the country and only staying in one place for a few years.  Yes, I always made lots of new friends, had many great experiences but it is difficult to form the bonds that growing up with the same group of people forms. 

My twentieth class reunion was the first one I attended and I have only missed a couple since.  It is very hard to describe how it felt to go back and see all the people I had grown up with. Maybe all the moving around made it feel like I had actually come "home". There is something very special about being able to see someone you haven't seen in twenty or even fifty years and feel like you just talked to them yesterday. 

The first eighteen years of our lives maybe the most challenging years if you stop and think about it.  There is so much to learn in how to make and maintain friendships. So many insecurities and a lot of disappointments that seemed huge at the time. It is funny but at the last class reunion one of the girls said it was difficult for her to read my stories since I had so much fun growing up and she didn't.  I had to laugh as she was one of those girls I wanted to be like since she was pretty, popular and a good student. One of the boys whose voice I recognized before I even saw him told me he always wanted to ask me for a date but never did because I was cute, popular and one of the rich kids (not hardly). We all did have our little insecurities.

The really great part of reconnecting with my high school class is that through the years I have gained friendships with classmates I did not know that well back then. I feel bad for those class members who don't come to our class parties.  Not everyone has great memories of high school but I think they need to realize that the people you grew up with are the best friends you can have. We share so many experiences, good and bad, that we are all bonded for life.

Maybe "home" is not a location on the map or a house on a street but the shared memories and fun times you have had with those you grew up with.  Every time I get the chance to see all my classmates I feel like I have gone home.

Funny How We Learn Some Lessons

                                                              Stephens in the Snow

The interesting thing about Stephens College was that they really encouraged all students to investigate areas of interest in the first two years.  They did not bog students down with all those required classes that everyone hates.  The only ones they required were Physical Education, an English course and one called Ideas in Living Today. They encouraged venturing out and trying new things.

Sounded good to me so when the first snow fell sometime around Thanksgiving I jumped at the chance to go rabbit hunting with a boy I had been going out with. First of all, I love snow.  Growing up in Muskogee, Oklahoma we rarely ever had any but Columbia had lots of it.  The thought of tramping through the snow in the woods close to town was rather exciting. Pam said recently in an email that she remembered the snow in Columbia but I got the idea that living in LA she hasn't seen any since.

                                    The Sidewalk to My Dorm

The next thing to note is that my only experience with a gun was when I was seven years old.  My brother had a BB gun that you had to cock before you fired it.  Well, the first time I tried that I got part of the palm of my hand caught in the stupid thing and had to have seven stitches. At least I didn't shoot my eye out.  My parents never owned a gun except one Christmas my Mother bought my Dad a shotgun thinking he would like to hunt. At age eleven even I knew my Dad was not going to go walking through the woods in his suit, tie and hat for any reason. Don't know what ever happened to the shotgun that never came out of the box.

I cannot remember the boys name so I could not have been too interested in him but I do remember he had a car which was a very big deal.  Off we went to someplace out by Stephens lake.  He should have had somewhat of a clue when I did not know how to hold the rifle. After a few instructions on where the trigger was, how to load and aim the thing we went on search of rabbits. I was very happy just walking through the snow and the thought that I was expected to slay a rabbit never entered my little blonde head.

All of a sudden a rabbit popped up in the snow right in front of us.  That was right after he had scolded me about not talking so much or making so much noise.  Guessed it was like fishing (I had gone fishing a couple of times) so you did not scare the creatures away. Actually I did not see a rabbit.  I saw Thumper and as the boy whispered to me to take aim, Thumper and I made eye contact.  At that point I yelled, "You have got to be kidding!" He took the rifle out of my hand and headed for the car. It was a long, silent trip back to the dorm.  Needless to say I never saw him again.

That one hunting experience taught me that I would never be able to look at an animal without seeing Thumper or Bugs Bunny or Bambi or Bambi's parents.  Fishing became impossible for me when I could not equate their gasping for breath as the compassionate thing to do. I have no problem with other people owning guns and hunting or fishing. But that one beautiful snow covered day taught me something that has stayed with me the rest of my life.

Most of trying of new things worked out better than the hunting episode.  Pam, who lived in the room next door, wanted to go to Temple and explore her Father's religion.  She did not want to go alone so on Friday nights I went with her. I only knew one Jewish boy growing up and he was the one who broke the date to the Prom with me.  Always being curious about different religions I learned a lot about it and gained a lot of respect for the religion and the people.  Pam and I even took Hebrew lessons each week from the Rabbi. It is funny how much Hebrew I actually remember after all these years.

Christmas was the first time we were allowed to go home.  While I looked forward to it there was some apprehension.  All my classes were going well except for one "C" in golf which is a long story.  I knew I had changed a lot in my attitudes about things and wondered how being at home would feel like. It turned out to be very interesting.